


I'll Bend Until I Break

by 221bBagEnd



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: All the gay love, Anal Sex, Angst, BUCKETS OF ANGST, Babies!!, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff, Friendship, Frottage, Hurt Tony, I really suck at titles, M/M, Pepper bashing, Someone needs to give Tony a hug, Steve and Tony find a way, Suicide Attempt, Superfamily (Marvel)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-23
Updated: 2016-05-24
Packaged: 2018-05-28 13:52:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 26,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6331738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/221bBagEnd/pseuds/221bBagEnd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony has always been there for everyone, himself not included of course. But what happens when the man who always fixes everything can't fix himself? How far can a person be pushed before its too late for them to be saved, even from themselves?</p>
<p>Steve doesn't have the answers, not a one, but he's going to try. He has to try.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. It Comes In Waves

**Author's Note:**

  * For [pietrolives](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pietrolives/gifts).



> Okay so this fic is basically just Steve/Tony but all the Avengers are there because who doesn't love the avengers? It's going to be a slow burn but I promise I will get there eventually. I also apologise for what is sure to be my impressive abuse of the English language. Heather, you are lucky I love you, this one's for you my love! Many thanks to my roomie and biffle who has very generously volunteered to be my test guinea pig for chapters and Beta.

Some days  
I feel everything at once.  
Other days  
I feel nothing at all.

I don’t know what’s worse:  
Drowning beneath the waves  
Or dying from the thirst.

Author Unknown

23 days, 17 minutes and 36 secs. That’s how long she’d been gone. 23 days since she had left. Unlike every other time that she had stormed off in a huff she wasn’t coming back this time. The wardrobe was bare where it once had been bursting, the draws lay empty, even her smell had begun to fade from their wooden depths. Bare patches on the walls were aching reminders of the pictures that had once proudly hung there, just a mere 23 days ago.

Tony lay in bed, their bed, his bed now. He was not nearly drunk enough to be having this type of deep introspection. Not that he could get any drunker, he’d drunk everything in the house and Jarvis had seen to it that he would not get anymore. Soon he’d have to wallow sober, now there was a chilling thought.

The worst part wasn’t even his impending sobriety and the overwhelming waves of hurt and despair that it would bring. Worse was the knowledge that he hadn’t even done anything this time. He’d loved her with everything that he had, she (he damn sure wasn’t going to even think her name thank you very much!) had been his whole world. She always had been, but of course that was only if he was being honest with himself. He’d given everything that he had to her, trusted her with every broken jagged piece of himself and prayed that she wouldn’t fracture him further. He truly thought that she’d loved him. But had she ever really loved him in the same way that he had? Or was he just another disorganized piece of a grander puzzle for her to tidy away? Tony curled further in on himself; he was always so damn cold. That was another thing that she had hated, another thing on what Tony was sure was now a considerable list. What was it she’d said to him?

23 days earlier…

Tony was finally emerging from his workshop, there was only so many damn times that he could tinker with the repulsors before even he gave up. Finicky, tempermental things that they were. Just like their creator he mused. Plus he was in desperate need of solid non-caffeinated foods and from the state of his clothing and mussed hair a shower wouldn’t go amiss either. All of this was swirling around his head, along with the other plans for projects that were always bumping around in his head and fighting for supremacy. None of this prepared him for what was waiting for him at the top of the stairs. 

Gracefully as usual there was Pep-‘her’, draped in all her organized glory across the bottom two steps. Beside her were all of her suitcases, odd he thought seeing as she’d just come back from an overseas trip where she had been trying to broker another multi-million dollar International merger. She wasn’t due to leave for another week at least, and even then she’d only be gone three days so there was no way she would ever need that much luggage. If one thing could be said of ‘her’ it was that she was extremely efficient, especially when it came to things like packing. Tony’s arrival was enough to briefly tear her attention away from the tablet that she was furiously tapping at – Stark Industries issue of course. Sighing dramatically, as was her fashion in anything that even remotely involved Tony – she tucked the tablet away into one of the numerous suit cases littering Tony’s expansive foyer. 

“Tony we need to talk…” she started in that tone that was specifically catered for Tony. It was a wondrous mix between exasperation and condescension.

Tony froze at her words. Nothing good ever came from them, in fact last time she’d uttered that exact phrase she had very loudly demanded that Tony turn Dumm-E into nuts and bolts. The bot in question had not only run over her expensive heels made by God knows what designer, but he had also rather impressively managed to cover them in oil. Tony couldn’t place his finger on it but lately he was beginning to suspect that all his robots had taken an extreme dislike to ‘her’. Of course he couldn’t prove anything, so why let it bother him? Pepper’s droll voice dragged him from his musings.

“- its just not working out. I thought things would get better, I honestly did. But every time I think we’re getting better you start up again with the nightmares and the locking yourself away in the workshop and the god damned erratic behaviour. I mean do you even know what its like to live with you? Its just not fair to me, I can’t – I won’t, do it anymore. You are broken beyond repair and I just don’t have the time or the patience to mind your sharp edges anymore.”

Tony stared at her in stunned silence. Really what was there to say? She was right after all, it was unfair of him to inflict himself on anyone. He was broken, and despairingly good at breaking those around him.

Pepper gathered her bags and made her way towards the front door of the mansion. She struggled with all of them but Tony was frozen immobile and made no move to help her.

“I think its best if you stay away for a while Tony. I have your company to run and after everything I’ve been through I really think I deserve some peace.”

Jarvis smoothly interrupted her.

“Miss Potts, I’ve taken the liberty to order you a car. Its parked out front, if you’d be so kind as to not keep the driver waiting.”

“Jar-” Pepper began to yell at Jarvis.  
“Good day Miss Potts. It has, as always, been a pleasure.” Jarvis’ tone brooked no argument, for an AI that couldn’t feel emotion he sure as hell sounded pissed Tony noted with some numb sense of detachment.

Pepper indignantly huffed and slammed her way out the front door. Only the lingering scent of cloying perfume marked that she had ever been there.

Tony hated that perfume, always had, but he’d give anything to have another eye watering sniff rather than lay in the cold bed that was much too big and lonely now. He just wanted to sleep, but even sleep provided no solace. Nightmares hunted him mercilessly. It was just another thing he couldn’t control, another thing that he did wrong.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered to the empty room, “I’m so sorry.” Then sleep claimed him for its own, whether he wanted it or not. He desperately wished that it would take away the aching loneliness that had invaded his very marrow.


	2. Misery Loves Company

Two possibilities exist: Either we are alone in the universe or we are not. Both are equally terrifying.

\- Arthur C. Clark

Steve had expected utter carnage, not the calmness that greeted him upon entering Tony’s Malibu home. At the very least he had expected to see haphazardly overthrown designer furniture, broken glass frozen in morbid remembrance of their shattered relationship and bottles strewn on whatever surface Tony had seen fit to drink on. He hadn’t expected this, this wasteland of perfection that was more devastating than the destruction surely would have been. Everything was exactly as Pepper had left it, the loneliness was an almost tangible force occupying every space and pore so much so that even the great Captain Rogers shuddered before it. Oh Tony, he thought. 

Steve placed his lone duffel bag at the foot of the stairs, even after all these years his military habits were so deeply ingrained he wasn’t sure where they left off and he began. He’d come as soon as Jarvis had called, how could he not? His stomach still roiled in anger at what Pepper had done to Tony. She had no damn right; he thought angrily, after everything that Tony sacrificed how could she claim to be hurt? She’d done nothing, given nothing of herself, sacrificed even less. Steve was still angry with her over the whole Palladium poisoning debacle, and he hadn’t even been there, what Nat had told him had been enough. How could you be so wrapped up in yourself not to notice that a man you at the time claimed to have loved was slowly dying from poisoning? 

“Mr. Rogers, its wonderful to see you, I hope the flight was enjoyable?” Jarvis’ cool tone greeted Steve. Steve chuckled; Jarvis very well knew that his flight was enjoyable as he had been the one who had commandeered the company’s private jet so that Steve could immediately fly to Malibu. It was also by some happy coincidence that the jet had disappeared to pick Steve up on the very day it was scheduled to fly Ms. Potts to Japan. He sincerely hoped that she enjoyed flying coach. 

“It was good thank you Jarvis,” Steve replied, ever the polite boy that his Mother had raised him to be. “Where is he Jarvis?”

“Master Stark is in the master bedroom. His blood alcohol content is almost back to normal. He has, however, not eaten anything in the past 53 hours. He has also not moved from his bed even to bathe. When Sir has slept his nightmares have been far more pronounced.”

“I’ll go up and see what I can do Jarvis, I’m not going to leave until all of this is fixed. Has anyone informed Rhodey or Happy about what’s happened?” Steve found it odd that they weren’t here; they were supposedly his closest friends. After all how many hours had he spent beside each of their beds? Steve knew from first hand experience that whenever he was injured Tony was loath to leave his side. He usually ended up having to be dragged away by Nat who was second in charge of Tony wrangling duties whenever Steve was out of action. 

“Mr. Happy is in charge of Ms. Potts personal security, though he did ask if Sir would like him to shoot her. I have been sending him regular updates on Sir, and took the liberty of sending him the video of Miss Potts final words to Sir. I have not contacted Mr. Rhodes as he saw fit to make a point of visiting only when Ms. Potts was in residence. I have also taken the precaution of revoking all his security clearance and decommissioned ‘War Machine’. I assure you Mr. Rogers neither Ms. Potts nor Mr. Rhodes will go unpunished for their actions, just as they did not go unnoticed.”

Steve was torn between shuddering over what Jarvis had done and/or tracking Rhodey and Pepper down himself to exact a little of his own punishment.

“And Sir?” Jarvis politely drew Steve back from his violent musings.

“Sorry Jarvis, what’s wrong?”

“When he’s having the nightmares he keeps calling out for you.” Jarvis sounded as if he knew he were breaking one of Stark’s greatest secrets. Nothing Jarvis said could have shocked him more, as it was he was shaken to his very core.

“Show me,” he whispered.

Jarvis began playback from Tony’s latest episode on one of the many halo screens that littered the expansive beachside mansion. Tony lay, a small figure in the ocean of sheets that were drowning him and tangled around him in great silken bunches. Even after his 23 day bender he still looked attractive, Steve noted, gone was the day when he would shy away from observations like that. Tony’s bare chest gleamed with sweat, his chestnut hair usually the picture of disorder clung to him as well. Tony writhed in his sleep, his face contorting into an unholy mask of pain and fear, his chest rising and falling rapidly as he tried to breathe. Steve’s heart clenched, even in sleep all he wanted to do was protect Tony.

“Steve. Steve please…I’m so sorry…I’m sorry…please…please Steve. No! Come back! Steve!” His final scream wrenched him from his sleep; he woke suddenly looking around the room the same way a cornered animal looked at its hunter. Finally he lay back down and fell into a fitful sleep once more.

* * *

Steve stood in the doorway peering in at Tony. Just as on the video that Jarvis had shown him he looked so small. An odd thing for a man whose very presence filled every room that he entered with the barely contained exuberance that Tony was so well known for. It was in moments like these that Steve couldn’t hold back how he felt for the tormented genius, not that he would ever tell him. After his initial panic over his discovered feelings which Nat and Banner had very tactfully handled (“Pull yourself together Cap, you love him. Even the green guy can see it.”) he had long since given up trying to deny them. He loved Tony plain and simple. But of course there was nothing neither ‘plain’ nor ‘simple’ about that. 

He loved the way Tony fought with him and always called him out and then in the same breath would be joking with him. It infuriated him to no end, which only made it one of the more endearing qualities of their friendship. He loved the way Tony had to fix everything, even those around him. For a man who was so often accused of being selfish he so easily saw the things in others that most missed or simply ignored. Tony had been the one to notice that Hawkeye was less in need of a room so much as a roomy ventilation shaft with the softest cushioned pseudo nest that Steve had ever encountered. He’d been the one to make sure that Banner got the space and open views that he needed so that he wouldn’t feel as if he were living in just another cage. In fact the genius had designed the perfect open level within the Tower for the man he affectionately dubbed his ‘Science Bro’, so that he would have somewhere that he could finally call home. 

It was Tony who sat up all night with Thor when he was away from Asgard watching Disney films because they reminded him of his brother and fed him a seemingly endless supply of Pop Tarts. Tony had been the one to bring home a wretched looking kitten and place it in Natasha’s arms, which had shocked everyone but had thrilled the woman who had never had anyone or anything that depended on her and was solely hers. In fact before the Tower Natasha had never really had anything of her own. Tony had even graciously put up the addition of extra cats and made sure that the bots stayed on top of the cat litter situation. And it was Tony again who had altered Steve’s suit so he would never again have to feel the oppressive cold that reminded him of the ice. Tony was the one who had given each and every one of the Avengers a place that they could call their own, a sense of belonging that they had so sorely needed and a home that they never thought they would have. In moments like these that it was easy to love Tony Stark in the open unhindered way that Tony would never let him.

Steve entered the room slowly, taking note of everything that he saw. Much as the rest of the house Tony’s bedroom was virtually untouched. The only signs of his habitation were the crumpled oil stained T-shirt that lay on the floor beside the bed and the sweaty bed itself in which he now lay.

“Tony, its Steve,” he spoke softly, not wanting to wake him too suddenly and risk a panic attack, or worse.

Tony came to slowly, his eyes opening incrementally as if the weight of the world had held them closed.

“Steve, why are you here?” Tony’s groggy voice managed to scrape out in a rough rasp that tingled deliciously down Steve’s spine.

“Sir, its good to have you awake again. You were most determined to harm yourself so I activated protocol 223, which you yourself programmed, and saw to it that Mr. Rogers was contacted.” Jarvis uttered in his cool British accent.

“It’s okay J, ‘m not mad jus’ really sleepy.” Tony’s head lolled back onto the ruined pillow.

Steve’s heart clenched once more. Things were bad if Tony refused to even snark at them. I don’t care what I have to do but I’m going to get you back Tony, I’m going to fix this. And when I do Pepper is going to have a lot to answer for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I know this one is short but as I've previously stated I have other chapters waiting, I just have to tinker with them some more. I was feeling inspired and really wanted to get this one up while I was on a roll because God knows that happens so rarely. I hope you enjoyed it, as always let me know what you think!


	3. Don't Cut Yourself On My Sharp Edges

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, here's chapter three! I just wanted to explain my reasoning behind the whole evil Pepper and Rhodey thing, because in all honesty I absolutely adore them. Pepper and Rhodey have always kind of been the linch-pins for Tony and I wanted to explore the relationships that he had with the Avengers and especially with Steve without them, because as brilliant as they are they can be a little problematic at times when it comes to Tony. Plus I felt that if I paired them together I give them a better chance at happiness even though it has come at the expense of Tony's.

I will dismantle myself to put you back together.

\- Mariah Scherlacher

No matter how tired Tony was, no matter how many hours he had spent cloistered in his lab completely absorbed by algorithms and calculations that made everyone else’s head spin, Tony always had fight left in him in some small measure. But this Tony was so far removed from what Steve had ever witnessed – and he’d made a point of being there for him especially after the way the New York incident had unfolded. He felt that he had owed Tony that much at least, and slowly it had stopped being a sense of obligation that drew him towards the genius’ bedside. More than friendship Steve was there every time, his own injuries ignored, because he loved Tony. He loved Tony so much that the sight before him filled the space in his chest where his feelings for Tony had carved out there own space with a leaden ache. It felt as if his very heart was being crushed under the weight of it and his lungs robbed of their every breath. In short, Steve was screwed.

Tony wouldn’t even look at him, just stared off listlessly into space, as if the blank walls of his bedroom held the answer to his every question. This Tony, this crumbled in, hunched over facsimile of a human being was nothing like the usually vibrant man that Steve knew he was – or rather had been. How could he get him back or at the very least free him from the torment of his own thoughts? 

Slowly, so slowly, with a level of care and consideration that Steve rarely showed he sat down on the bed next to Tony, and then promptly grimaced. The usually luxurious sheets, or so Steve assumed, were sorely in need of a wash; like seven days ago. From the looks and smell of him, so was their occupant. Steve was at a loss for how to help Tony in the broader sense, but for now a shower was definitely in the realm of things that Steve could do. 

“Tony what do you think about having a shower?” Steve framed the question in a way that he hoped wasn’t offensive to Tony. Hell at least he asked, her royal highness Pepper just demanded, or ordered Tony about if Steve was being honest. Tony didn’t need to be ordered; for once he needed the freedom to make some decisions of his own knowing that there wouldn’t be catastrophic consequences (like the great blender ‘incident’ in the tower which had taken days to clean up) or petty, cruel tantrums thrown at him (here’s looking at you Pepper). If he wanted to sit a bit longer Steve wasn’t going to stop him, his days spent in the army had long since cured him of any aversion that he may have had to grime or nasty smells. 

Tony nodded his head slowly in a manner that suggested even that small movement cost him. Steve let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding.

“Sir, I’ve set the shower to your usual preferences is there anything else that you may require?” Trust Jarvis to be listening, not much, if anything, ever got past him.

“Thanks J, I should be all good buddy.” Tony’s rough voice ground out. It always shocked the avengers how kind Tony could be to something that others viewed as nothing more than a neat piece of technology. To Tony though, Jarvis would always be so much more. Both the real man and the AI had saved his life more times than he cared to think about. 

Tony made to move from the bed in slow controlled movements. The genius supposed this was what it must feel like to try and wade through molasses. His whole body hurt and Tony was sure that most of it could be attributed to the ache in his chest rather than the impressive amount of alcohol that he had consumed. Though admittedly there was no way that the alcohol had helped, at least not in the quantities that he had managed to guzzle down. Tony managed to make pretty good progress by himself that was until his knees decided to give out. Why was his bedroom this large anyway? He would have made it to the bathroom already if it weren’t for the fact that he’d designed the bedroom to be large enough to house a Hippo. Thank God for American muscle though, because as soon as his traitorous knees decided that their workday was over Steve had swooped in and caught him. Now he was cradled against Steve’s delicious chest being carried like the giant baby that people so often accused him of being. 

Steve was thankful that he had decided to brave Tony’s potential ire and shadow him after he had made his very wobbly exit from his monstrous bed. Steve was loathe to admit it but his heart had stuttered when it looked like Tony was going to fall face first on his own tiled floor. He was supposed to be a battle hardened veteran and yet his traitorous heart had clearly not gotten than memo, not when it came to Tony at least.

Tony was so diminutive and vulnerable in his arms in a way that both shocked and humbled Steve. He couldn’t lie and say that he hadn’t thought about holding Tony, God had he thought about it, but in his fantasies Tony was always a heck of a lot more responsive and not veritably drowning in sadness. Steve cleared his throat awkwardly; he was at the door to the bathroom now and not exactly sure what the protocol from here was. 

“Uh, I think I have this whole shower thing under control big guy.” Tony valiantly tried to deliver the whole sentence to Steve’s face but it was so hard when his face was mere inches from those perfectly defined pectoral muscles of his. Not that he was looking, no Sir, Tony wasn’t brave enough to open up that tightly sealed box.

“Are you going to be able to stand? I just don’t want you to fall again. I mean if… you know if- if I’m not there to catch you.” Steve finished lamely hoping that Tony didn’t read too much into his words or see the blush he knew was staining his cheeks. 

Tony didn’t know how to process what he’d just heard. Did he really look that frail? If he was honest the first response that he was geared to was one of anger and incredulity. But the larger truth was that Tony simply wasn’t used to being taken care of without having to give up another piece of himself in return. The last time he had been truly looked after was when he was little, and even then it was just some faceless nanny that had been generously paid by his father and would most likely be gone in a few weeks after the inevitable indiscretion. So he wasn’t very comfortable with being helped at all, and his inability to walk to bathroom unaided was just further proof that Pepper had been right. He could still taste her bitter words in the back of his throat.

“Tony if you really aren’t up to it I can help, in fact I’d feel better if you let me. I’m not going to judge you or ask for anything in return. You haven’t done anything wrong here Tony.” Steve injected as much meaning into the words as he could. He needed Tony to not only hear him but to understand that he really was here for him and wanted nothing more than for Tony to be happy. Really genuinely happy, not just the obnoxious happiness that he showed for the cameras and press.

Tony shakily began to crawl out of Steve’s arms. Steve panicked, fearing that this time he really had pushed the genius too far.

“Its okay Cap, not freaking out I promise. J?”

“Yes Sir, what can I help you with?”

“I’m gonna need you to put a hold on the shower. Cap’s right I don’t think I could stand for that long if I tried.”

“Yes Sir, of course.” Jarvis ever polite followed the order immediately.

“I think for the time being I’m going to have to resign myself to a good old fashioned bath. Seriously Cap I got this, go and relax would ya?” He attempted to smile his patented 1000-watt smile but it felt forced even to him. 

Steve breathed a sigh of relief that Tony had sensibly reached a compromise where he would be able to maintain is independence and for once not at the cost of his own health or safety. Steve started to back out of the opulent bathroom; his eyes trained on Tony the entire while. Ever watchful for signs that he may fall again. ‘I promise I’ll always catch you Tony.’

‘Steve?” Steve’s eyes quickly drew up to Tony’s haggard face.

“Yeah Tony?” Steve’s voice cracked uncomfortably at the earnest heartbreak evident in Tony’s warm brown eyes.

“T-thank you for being here for me. Don’t be gone when I get out okay? I get it if you want to leave but just let me say goodbye first yeah?” Tony looked as if he were going to cry.   
Oh Tony, Steve thought, I couldn’t leave you even if I wanted too. Can’t you see? It’s always been you. You’ve ruined me for anyone else. 

“I’m not her Tony. I’m here for you not in spite of you.” Steve struggled not to punch the nearest wall for all the people who had ever hurt him, he settled instead for clenching his hands into fists and feeling the satisfying creak of his knuckles. Super soldier strength and all that. With that Steve left the bathroom before he did something like swoop Tony back up into his arms and kiss him senseless. 

Navigating himself back to the master bedroom was an experience in trial and error. Why hadn’t they just used the bathroom that was attached to the master bedroom? Then it hit Steve, her, Pepper, it was the last place where all her things would be. Well there was a quick fix for that, as well as the sheets. It was time to do a little cleaning, super soldier style. 

“Jarvis, you wouldn’t happen to know where the clean sheets and garbage bags may be hiding would you?” Steve smiled maniacally.

“Mr. Rogers it would be my pleasure to direct you to them.” Jarvis sounded as if he were smiling. He’s damn near human Steve thought.

***  
“Steve what the?! What is happening? Are you robbing me?” Tony leaned heavily against the door frame, clearly the whole balance thing was re-asserting itself as an issue.”

Tony was shocked to see that not only had the sheets been changed but also the whole bed had been made honest to God military style. He was pretty sure that he would be able to bounce a quarter off of that baby. That wasn’t the only change in the bedroom though. There was an alarming amount of garbage bags slowly being pushed out of the room by Dumm-E.

“What exactly are in those?” 

“Well, um, you see,” Steve scuffed the ground with his shoes and looked at his feet like a little boy being forced to stand before the school principal, “it’s all the things of – the things that were left in the bathroom and the odd bits that were floating around.” Cleaning had been such a good idea until he’d had to explain it to Tony. Please don’t let him be mad with me, Steve prayed to whoever was listening.

“Oh” was all Tony managed to utter before it seemed as if all the air was pulled out of his sails. Steve rushed forward to grab him once more before he got intimate with the tiles and gently cradled him down to the floor.

“Tony I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to overstep. I just wanted to help.” Steve offered weakly.

Tony, surprisingly, pulled himself further into Steve’s arms. Once he was firmly ensconced in Steve he seemed to calm down. How long had it been since he was just held? Tony marveled at that fact even as he felt himself breaking apart a little more. 

“’S ‘kay,” Tony mumbled in Steve’s shirt, “had to be done sometime and I sure as hell couldn’t do it.” Tony seemed content to hide himself in Steve’s considerable bulk.

“Oh Tony, you don’t have to keep saying that everything is okay.” Tony’s only response was a muffled sniffle. “Tell you what soldier, I have been reliably informed that you have the best home entertainment system ever created and I still have a bunch of movies on my list. Not to mention I’m starving, so why don’t you help a buddy out on catching up on all that he’s missed and I’ll make us some mean burgers.” Steve just hoped that during Tony’s bender someone had thought to keep the fridge stocked. 

Tony finally withdrew his face from Steve’s chest, not that there was really anywhere to hide there. He really was adorable like this, now that he was finally clean his hair was back to its perfectly mussed state and his face though clearly tired no longer looked haunted. Even in nothing more than a pair of flannel pajama bottoms and a plain T-shirt he was still the most handsome man that Steve had ever had the pleasure of holding.

“I’m all for your movie education but getting to the lounge room may pose a problem. My legs aren’t really co-operating at the moment.” Tony blushed at the thought of Steve having to carry him again, not that he was all that eager to get out his arms. 

“Tony I mean no disrespect but I’ve carried heavier bags of flour than you. We really need to work on fattening you up.” At that Tony chuckled, it wasn’t the usual full-bodied infectious laughter that he usually exhibited but it was something. It was the beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys, so the next chapter will be up sometime tomorrow or tonight if I feel particularly motivated. As always I hope that you guys enjoyed it and I would love to hear from you! Next chapter you'll get to hear from some of the other avengers, I swear I haven't forgotten about them. I must go now because there are cakes to be baked and other cool adult stuff to do like building a blanket fort.


	4. Blue Aliens, Burgers and Beds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so pietrolives asked me to refers to Steve's chest as 'Pecs of freedom' so I tried my very best. Also this chapter includes gratuitous abuse of Disney references, lots of snuggling, emotional discovery and the whole Avengers gang causing trouble as per usual.

Do I fear the sleepless nights?  
You have no idea how long the dark lasts when you cannot close your eyes to it.

-Tyler Knott Gregson

“You know for a guy whose blood may as well just be hard liquor you have an alarming amount of green things in your fridge.” Steve joked as he handed Tony his burger. Tony meanwhile just glared at him, which would have been a whole lot more impressive if he hadn’t been doing so from the comfort of the couch that he was sprawled across and underneath the comfort of a throw rug no less.

“I’ll have you know that I’ve been known to eat ‘green things’ on occasion.”

“Tony the last healthy thing that I saw you eat was a few blueberries in the lab. And they weren’t green, and they were shared with Banner.”

“Green, organic, what’s the difference its all the same thing in the-” his rant was cut off midstream as he managed to actually take in not only the sight but also the smell of the burger before him. Damn the man could cook, Tony thought. Even if I wasn’t starving I’m pretty sure that I would scarf this down in record time anyway. 

Steve was happy to see Tony actually looking excited about food. Admittedly the burgers were nothing special, his cooking skills would never compare to Banner’s, but they were going to be filling and surely more nutritious than top shelf scotch. 

“So, what’s next on your list?” Of course Steve wasn’t sure that that was what Tony was actually saying as he had tried to get that sentence out around a mouthful of burger. At least he’s eating, he thought, I’m not going to question it. Steve sat down on the couch next to Tony, closer than was strictly necessary but hey he couldn’t be the only one feeling the cold right?

“A movie I think, I’m not sure, its called ‘Lilo and Stitch’. Clint recommended it and Thor said it was a tale about a mighty blue warrior and his young maiden.” Steve said glancing down at the little notebook that he had written down all of the important things that he had to catch up on in. He had managed to cross a fair few things off of his list, but that was mainly thanks to the fortnightly movie nights that were held in the Avengers tower. No matter what was going on those nights were sacred and Steve loved them. The other Avengers did too, but mainly because of the reactions of Steve and Thor who were far newer to the wonderful world of cinematography. 

“Oh yeah, Clint said he’d watched that one with our resident Fabio. I think its one of the few Disney ones that I haven’t seen. Jarvis you on it?”

Without even replying the huge screen, and really huge was beginning to feel like a relative term in Tony’s domain, began to play the movie. 

“I remember ‘Snow White’ in 1937, it blew me away. I’d never seen anything like it. Now the animated characters look like they’re actually alive, they may as well be.” Steve uttered in awe. Sometimes Tony forgot just how much things had changed for Steve, a man who had literally lived through the Depression and punched who knows how many Nazis in their stupid Nazi faces. 

“You actually amaze me sometimes Steve. But yes, Disney is amazing.”

It wasn’t until they were halfway through the movie and right in the part where you get sucker punched in the feelings, thanks for that Disney, that Steve realized he and Tony were practically in each other’s laps. Tony had migrated the last few inches towards Steve and was now resting against his arm, seeing as how he was using Steve’s pecs of freedom for his pillow he’d been kind enough to share the ridiculously soft throw rug. Steve wished that he could put his arms around Tony but knew that it was unfair to even think that way so instead he once more pushed his feelings away and tried to pay attention to the film. He was trying to pay attention to the film until Tony once more distracted him.

“Stupid blue aliens and their stupid need to abandon little girls who love them. Who does this Bubbles guy think he is taking Lilo away from Nani like that?” Steve wanted to laugh until he realized that Tony was genuinely upset.

“Uh, Tony?”

“What Steve? It’s not fair okay, Nani was doing her best and just trying to keep everything together. And I thought ohana meant family and family meant you stick together or some bullshit like that and not just leave!” Tony angrily wiped at his eyes trying to stop the steady flow of tears that were silently carving lines in his face. 

This wasn’t about the movie at all. This was about Tony thinking that he wasn’t worth anyone sticking around no matter how hard he tried to keep everything together. If it was the last thing that he did, Steve was going to make Tony see that he was worth everything; Steve would give him everything that he could. Tony wasn’t someone to just be abandoned and left on the road side, he was so much more than a toy to be used at someone’s convenience and he sure as hell wasn’t an after thought. The fact that Tony could feel this way, could blame himself for so many things that simply weren’t his fault or were beyond his control was ridiculous and enraging to Steve in a way that probably wasn’t healthy. 

“You have a family Tony and we love you and I promise we aren’t going anywhere. You’re the one that keeps us all together. And in case you’re forgetting we all live in your building.” Tony looked so confused.

“Wha’?”  
“The only one who can run away is you Tony. You may not have noticed but the rest of us don’t have anywhere else to go, no place else that we want to be. You think that we stick around out of some sense of obligation or pity? You gave us a home Tony, an honest to God place to call home, a place where we all belong and feel safe. Something that none of us has ever had.” Steve really hoped that Tony not only heard him but understood, there was no way for him to make how they all felt about him any clearer.

Tony looked at Steve in shock, but somewhere inside those brown depths Steve knew that he saw hope lurking. Well he was cautiously optimistic that he did anyway. Tony wiped his eyes clear for the last time before resuming his snuggled in position against Steve’s side, his attention once more returned to the screen in front of him. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about Steve, I was very clearly talking about Nani. And I wasn’t crying, my eyes just sprung a surprise leak.” Despite his words a small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. The tight grip around his heart had eased at Steve’s words. To have someone answer the fears out loud that he had been to scared to voice and to tell him that he wasn’t going to wake up one day to find that he was alone was something that he had never dared hope for. Damn it if the box that had once so tightly held his feelings about a certain Captain America locked away looked as if the lid was beginning to crack open. He wasn’t ready to be hurt again, and he was even less ready to trust but Cap just kept knocking through every hastily erected wall around his heart. 

By the end of the movie Tony was leaning heavily into Steve’s side, his eyes drooping further and further. Steve knew that he should probably get Tony to bed but a selfish part of him was content to stay cuddled against him on the couch. It was the closest that Tony had ever allowed him and if it was as close as he was ever going to get to the man he hopelessly adored he wanted to savor the moment a little. Eventually though Tony started to droop even further until it was past the point that Steve could just pretend he was dosing. He needed to get him into a comfortable bed where he would get a decent rest. For the fourth time in as many hours Steve scooped the beloved genius into his arms and made for the stairs that would lead up to the master bedroom.

Once Steve had gotten Tony all tucked away, and tried not to linger an uncomfortably long time by his side he drifted back downstairs to clean up the mess from earlier. As tired as he was he wouldn’t be able to sleep if he knew that he had left a mess. It was something that the other members of his team teased him mercilessly for, all except Banner who could always be counted to linger in the kitchen after the evening meal and help with the cleaning up. He had confessed one night that he found it soothing to clean, knowing that everything would look better when he was done and be back in the place it belonged. He supposed it was a novel experience for the man who had spent so long on the run and even longer wrapped up in research than around the mundane trappings of a modern kitchen.

Steve methodically cleaned the kitchen, leaving it as pristine as it had been when he had begun his cooking venture. With nothing more to do he once more made his way to the stairs not bothering to check if any of the doors were locked knowing that the same security protocols were used here as were in the tower, it was nice, he mused, to know that he could sleep safely something that he would never again take for granted. 

“Jarvis do you know where my duffel bag is? I was positive that I left it here at the foot of the steps.” Steve turned wildly about but couldn’t see the faded green bag anywhere.

“I had one of the bots move it to the guest bedroom across from Sir’s bedroom.”

“Thanks Jarvis, you’ll wake me if anything happen to Tony won’t you?” Steve needed to know that he wouldn’t be left to sleep through something if Tony needed him, he would go without sleep if he had to to ensure that that didn’t happen. 

“I will watch over Sir and alert you as soon as is needed Master Rogers.” Jarvis soothed Steve’s worries for his friend.

“Thank you Jarvis, good night.” Steve uttered as he entered the bedroom that would be his for the time being. Without even looking for his duffel bag he flopped down on the bed

“Good night Captain.” Jarvis replied but Steve was already asleep. Who knew that looking after a genius would be the perfect cure to Steve’s insomnia?

***  
Steve was slowly pulled out of the quagmire of sleep, his head still felt heavy like he still wasn’t all that awake. That’s when he heard what had obviously pulled him from the depths of his slumber. Screams. Terrible screams that made his blood run cold. Oh god, Tony’s being attacked, Steve thought and in that same moment threw himself out of bed.

“Captain, Mr. Stark is having another nightmare. There is no cause for further alarm, I can assure you that both yourself and Sir are the only occupants in residence and that the house is secure. I would, however, recommend that you go and see to Sir, his vitals are all elevated and my previous attempts to wake him have all been unsuccessful. 

“Steve!” Steve ran at that, it was terrifying to hear his name screamed like that in the dead of night in Tony’s fear strangled voice.

Steve burst into the bedroom thankful that he had not thought to close the door after laying Tony down or he would most likely have gone through it. As he entered the room Jarvis must have turned the lights on as the room was filled with a soft glow that hopefully wouldn’t be too harsh on Tony. The man himself lay in the middle of his bed, sheets and pillows alike lay scattered around the bed which sat like a lonely island in the middle of the far too white room. Tony was writhing against the bottom sheet his two hands curled protectively over his arc reactor and all the while screamed Steve’s name. Steve ran over to the bed and without thinking threw himself down next to Tony, this is a sure fire way to get punched he thought even as his arms reached out to Tony’s to try and uncurl the cruel twist of his hands over his chest.

“Tony, it’s me, it’s Steve. You’re safe Tony. Come on wake up, I’m here Tony!” Steve spoke as softly as he could under the circumstances but couldn’t help the thin trickle of fear that laced his tone. Tony shocked awake and looked around the room in blind panic his eyes finally coming to rest on Steve.

“Steve? It’s really you?” Tony looked at him as if he were sure that Steve was going to disappear at any moment.

“It’s really me Tony. I’m here. Its okay, nothing can get to you, I’m going to keep you safe.” At that Tony seemed to relax a little, at least now he didn’t look like he was going to flee. Before Steve could do or say anymore he found himself promptly pulled down into Tony’s arms. Tony wrapped his arms as soundly as he could around him.

“I’m not going anywhere Tony.” The decision made for him Steve gently untangled himself from Tony and turned to grab the pillows off the floor. Toeing his shoes off, thanks to him having fallen asleep on his bed fully clothed hours before, Steve crawled fully dressed into bed next to Tony and pulled the cover over them both.

“Come on lets get some sleep, I promise nothing can get to you Tony.” Steve uttered soothingly as he pulled Tony back into his arms thankful that after such a violent episode Tony would let himself be touched. Tony’s back rested comfortably against his chest, his arms cradled around him with Tony’s head resting on his arm. He was sure to wake with a dead arm but he didn’t care, it was a small price to pay if it meant that Tony would get to sleep soundly.

Just as he felt Tony beginning to drift off to sleep, his fear chased away by the steady beat of Steve’s heart, he felt Tony grab the arm that had been thrown across his waist be pulled to rest over his arc reactor. Tony fell asleep like that, his hands gently pressing Steve’s hand against his arc reactor like its own mini shield. Steve just nuzzled close and let sleep claim him as well, the scent of Tony’s shampoo lulling him into a calm and deep sleep. 

***  
Steve was having the most wonderful dream, in it Tony was cradled to his chest the smell of him all around Steve, and he could feel the plump, warm, inviting weight of Tony’s ass pressed against his aching erection. Steve could do nothing more than groan and gently roll his hips against him feeling the wonderful zings of pleasure curl into a warm ball in the bottom of his gut. Of course that was when reality had to come crashing in, because of course this wasn’t a dream like all the others that Steve had had of Tony. This was reality and in reality he had no rights to be rubbing himself against Tony like a cat in heat. Steve opened his eyes and bit back a groan as he gently tried to extricate his bottom half away from Tony. Though God apparently hated him because this was no easy task, at some point during the night Steve and Tony had curled their legs together as Steve had protectively spooned around Tony. As gently as possible and praying to absolutely every God in the pantheon that he didn’t wake Tony he began the slow process of untangling them. He really really didn’t want to have to explain his wayward erection to the object of his every dirty fantasy. Too bad the Gods weren’t listening. Tony froze as he felt Steve pulling away and tried to keep his breathing even and his eyes screwed shut. He’d been awake for quite some time. It was hard to sleep through something as impressive as Steve pressed up against the cleft of his ass. Seriously, God bless America! What Steve was packing could be classed as a weapon of mass seduction. Hngh. 

In the time that it had taken Tony to take a trip to the naughtier side of his imagination Steve had managed to extricate himself from Tony. Steve slowly started to make an exit from the bed but stopped to look down at the sleeping man before him. Well if that didn’t wake him up I don’t suppose this will, Steve thought, as he leaned forward and placed his lips against the nape of his neck. He may have to leave the bed to deal with his situation but that by no means meant that he wanted to leave Tony. His mother had raised him right though and he knew that he couldn’t just lay there in good conscience and use the man he claimed to love like that. Steve ran back to his room, there was a cold shower with his name on it, in fact better make it two.

Tony lay for a moment and tried to understand what had just happened. Up until he had felt Steve press his lips to the back of his neck he was pretty sure he knew what was happening. It wouldn’t be the first time that he would have been used as a casual hook up, sure they didn’t make him feel great afterwards but at least they took his mind off of his life. Steve though hadn’t done that, he’d gotten up and left, except he hadn’t just left he’d been the one who had held him all night, had been the one who had reverently whispered Tony’s name in his sleep which all could have just been swept under the rug until that damn kiss. Tony had never been kissed with such care, and it wasn’t even really a kiss it was just a tender press of Steve’s lips to the nape of his neck. Tony may be a genius but he certainly couldn’t figure this one out on his own.

“Jarvis could you please call Dr. Banner for me?”

“Of course Sir.” Jarvis brought the halo screen at the end of the bed to life a picture of Dr. Banner adorning the screen.

“Hey Tony, what’s up?” It was clear that Dr. Banner was in the lab attached to his floor. Tony would know the sight of it anywhere considering he spent so much time there himself. 

“Tony! Is that Tony?” A voice that had to be Clint trilled out behind the Dr. If Clint was there that meant that Nat and Thor weren’t far behind. In moments the three of them all crowded around Dr. Banner like eager puppies, leaving Banner looking a little more harassed than usual.

“Hey Tony, what’s up how you doing?” Clint subtle as ever led the charge.

“Son of Stark, how do you fare? It is good to see your face on this tiny piece of Midgardian technology!” Thor boomed out, whoever had made him the God of Thunder had no idea how apt their decision was. Banner and Nat patiently waited for Tony to speak being the more reserved out of the group.

“Hey guys, I was uh just ringing to talk to Bruce and um you know discuss things?” Tony wasn’t as smooth as he usually was in the morning with out coffee but he had really only been prepared to talk to Bruce and not the whole team. 

“From that I take it that things with Steve are going well?” Damn Natasha and her super spy tricks.

“Uh well, yeeees, in a manner of speaking. I guess.” Tony ran his finger through his hair as he usually did when he was nervous. Clint started to guffaw, clearly Tony was blushing. Great, he was never going to live this one down he thought.

“Oh my God, he touched the butt didn’t he!” Clint burst out, far too proud of himself. How this man had ever been classified as a successful spy was a complete mystery to the genius.

“Okay first off I understood that reference and secondly how dare you abuse a joint collaboration of Disney and Pixar like that.” Tony growled out none too happy that Barton had actually hit the nail on the head in his very round about immature way of course. Nothing was going his way this morning and things were only going to get worse.

“Do you not wish for our shield brother and mighty leader to court you son of Stark? On Asgard it would be an honor for a warrior as celebrated as Captain Rogers to pursue you. Do you find him displeasing to the eye, for I have gazed upon him many times and can find no fault.” Thor, ever-helpful ball of joy that he was stated matter of factly. 

“What? No! There is nothing wrong with the way Steve looks, my eye finds him quite pleasing okay? And for the record I don’t need to be ‘wooed’ or ‘courted’. Look can someone please take Shakespeare in the park and Bird brains someplace that isn’t here?” Tony pleaded; at this point he was not beyond begging. 

Natasha seeing that Tony was at the end of his tether and very quickly approaching the end of her own grabbed the two men by their ears and led them to the doors of the lab and shoved them out. Neither of them had put up more than a token resistance more than a little terrified of what Natasha was capable of doing to them. 

“What’s wrong Tony?” Banner asked now that he wasn’t being squished between the two beefcakes. Nat came back and perched on the stool next to him a silent signal to Tony that it was safe to go ahead and that there would be no more interruptions.

“Well I may have had a nightmare last night and Steve may have ended up in my bed.” Tony finished, blushing once more.

Banner wasn’t sure where he should go with this one. Personally he was mystified why all the Avengers felt the need to come to him of all people and ask for relationship advice. It wasn’t like his own past was a shining example of healthy relationships. In fact if he’d have been left in charge of the situation he was pretty sure that Nat and Clint would never have gotten together because the only advice that he could come up with was “talk to each other”. It had been Steve, Tony and Loki (on a brief unsanctioned visit to earth) who had ended up locking the couple in the gym and spelling the doors shut until they had dealt with their feelings, unable to deal with the couples sexual tension any longer. It was Natasha that saved the day again.

“Tony he isn’t playing with you. I don’t know what happened and I don’t need to. He cares about you and you care about him so you can cut the crap.” Tony wasn’t sure what to say to that.

“He’s not using you, you know he wouldn’t do that. Steve is old school like that Tony, he still believes in romance and all that. He’s not cynical and twisted like us.” Banner supplied hoping that that would help to lay some of Tony’s fears to rest. Tony meanwhile just lay on the bed looking as if someone had just turned his whole world upside down and taken away the instructions for how to reassemble it.

“This is new territory here Stark, I get it, but you can do this if this is something that you even want. You need to figure out what you want and you need to forgive yourself for Pepper. What happened wasn’t your fault and it wasn’t a relationship Tony you just capitulated to her and occasionally shared a bed. The only time you two were really together was when a camera was around.” Natasha stated bluntly, there was no other way to put it. Tony hadn’t been grieving his relationship with Pepper; he’d been grieving the idea of one.

“Tony you deserve better. We’ll be here no matter what you guys decide.” Banner could always be counted on to be kind and sometimes that was exactly what Tony needed. 

“Oh and Tony, don’t forget next Friday is our movie night. You have eight days to get your shit sorted.”

“Thanks guys, I think that was what I needed.” Tony ended the call and then slumped back on his pillows. Maybe it really was time to start moving on. He needed to forgive himself, and maybe, just maybe he needed to learn to trust the man that had made a very obvious point of having his back ever since their rocky start in New York. 

Tony wasn’t going to just rush into this the way that he did most things, this time he was actually going to think and God forbid communicate. Talking about his feelings or opening up about his past had never been his strong suit but maybe he needed to start to try at the very least. He wasn’t going to fix all his problems in a day, he had no idea how he would even try but for now he could do coffee and breakfast and maybe shown the man who had come all this way to throw him a life vest when he had been drowning a little of the sights that Malibu had to offer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So guys as always let me know what you think, all comments and kudos are appreciated! Thanks for reading and have a wonderful safe easter.


	5. I Have Loved You, Long Before I Even Knew How

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I am so sorry that it took me this long to get another chapter up but I was trying to sort out Uni and got impressively sick so I haven't done much of anything. I also apologise to anyone who really like Pepper, if you do you may want to skip this chapter, I may have taken some liberties with her character.

In the attic of his childhood was an old trunk and even though he couldn’t pry it open, the muffled sobs coming from inside told him more than he wanted to remember.

\- Author Unknown

Making his way down the stair Tony was greeted with the scent of something mouth wateringly good. Tony wasn’t a breakfast guy in the least, or even a morning person, but whatever was being cooked smelled absolutely amazing. Maybe Tony would have to keep Steve around just for the fact that whenever he was around Tony managed to eat a solid three meals a day and none of it came out of a packet or tin, meaning it probably had nutritional value. 

Steve braced himself as he heard Tony’s footsteps. He had hoped that a cold shower would help to calm him down, but it was almost impossible to distract yourself from the object of your desire when you were literally in their world. Steve thought that he had far more control than what he was showing but then Steve was more prepared for the eventuality of being close to Tony on a mission than waking up in his bed with the man in his arms. Exactly where he should be, his mind unhelpfully supplied. 

I can do this, he thought; I have everything completely under control. Of course that was until Tony walked into the kitchen and he was greeted with the sleep-tousled genius, and really he thought, no one had a right to look that good first thing in the morning. Brown eyes met blue and the only thought either had was ‘just how screwed am I?’

***  
The past few days had gone without incident, or rather without any big incident considering that ‘incident’ tended to mean a different thing all together when you were the kind of person that had to strap on a suit and go face whatever new fresh hell had been dredged up. Tony still had nightmares that left him a screaming and shaking mess, but on day three of Steve running into his bedroom to soothe him both had given up on the pretense of sleeping in separate beds. On the plus side Tony was sleeping, on the down side it always made for one hell of an awkward morning with both men as intimately entwined as they inevitably ended up being. Tony was still drinking but at least he was reserving it for the evenings, most days, and he was eating honest to God meals with vegetables and other green leafy things – Steve really went the whole nine yards when he was cooking. 

For the most part they were speaking, well Steve was, and Tony seemed happy to listen but he was far more reticent when it came to actually sharing things himself. Steve didn’t mind though, he was happy to talk about his life, to finally share the parts of himself that he had never thought to share. Any time that Tony offered up information about his past or himself, no matter how small the morsel, Steve listened intently always hungry for more but in so many ways afraid to ask. He simply filed the information away in the place in his mind reserved for Tony alone. He looked upon them when he was left to his mind, treasuring them like rare and precious gems even if it was something as inconsequential as how many teaspoons of sugar Tony added to his coffee. It didn’t matter that no one else thought the information was important because he did, it was a part of Tony that Steve had been given and that made it all the more wonderful. 

They even managed to leave the lavish mansion a few times, which was always an interesting experience. Wherever they went people seemed drawn to Tony, he was the type of person that drew every eye in the room whether he wanted to or not. That’s not to say that Steve didn’t, it was hard not too given the whole Captain America thing and a spandex suit that left very little to the imagination, but he was a fleeting fascination in comparison with Tony. No matter where they were be it some pretentiously up-market designer store, because there was no way Tony wasn’t going to bring Steve’s wardrobe into the twenty-first century, or Tony’s own private beach he always managed to fill the room. Tony was an electric presence in any circumstance; you only had to look at him to see the sparks of energy arcing off of him. It was such a pity then that Pepper had tried to diminish him, had tried to dull the light that was this wonderful man. Steve couldn’t understand it in the least, but then he also thought that if Tony whistled in the morning birds would come flying in his window to help the genius braid his hair. 

It couldn’t last and he knew that, he knew that at any moment something could come crashing down into the bubble that they were living in and rip it apart be it the feelings that Steve was so desperately trying to smother or killer robots or any other abomination in the long list of enemies that the Avengers had faced. Steve had just been praying with every fiber of his being that the tentative peace they were enjoying would have lasted longer.

The morning had started off in the same mundane way that every other morning had started for the past week. Steve woke up wrapped around Tony, only to make a hasty retreat before Tony woke, not knowing that he was already awake but content to lie in his arms. Breakfast was the same boring fare that it usually was, toast and eggs for Steve and pancakes and a pot of black coffee for Tony. Plans were made to make their way down to the beach, Steve wanted to draw and Tony simply wanted to sleep in the sun not having the drive yet to wade back into inventing. They even managed to get all the breakfast dishes cleared away and the kitchen in some semblance of order before all hell broke loose, small favours Steve thinks. 

Tony’s mobile began shrilly crying out, the piercing ring tone enough to wake the dead, sometimes it had to be with the way that Tony slept when he was exhausted. Tony jumped off the kitchen stool to grab it, briefly wondering why whoever it was ringing him hadn’t bothered to simply ring the house. Jarvis was usually the most reliable way to track Tony down, he never blocked calls or didn’t alert Tony…well he hadn’t before. 

Tony wiped his sudsy hands on the worn denim jeans that he was usually to be found in when he was just lazing about, if Steve had just let him use the dishwasher he wouldn’t have to battle suds and pruney fingers he thought. Without even looking Tony flipped the phone over to its front and hit answer, a second later putting it on speaker so he wouldn’t risk getting his tech soggier than it already was. It was just a second later that he wished he hadn’t put it on speakerphone; that he hadn’t even answered at all. 

“Anthony Stark, how dare you?” Pepper’s shrill voice screeched into the before peaceful kitchen. Tony froze, the phone dropping numbly from his grasp the few inches back down to the expensive side table that the phone had been on previously. His face a perfect mask, not out of Tony intentionally shielding his emotions, but more out of the fact that he simply couldn’t move. Every part of him was frozen, unable to move even though he desperately felt like he should run. He didn’t answer her shrill screech, couldn’t, not that Pepper was waiting for him too. She had something that she wanted to say and she was going to say it, or in this case screech it.

“How dare you punish Rhodey like that? How could you be so petty as to decommission War Machine Tony? Rhodey is actually out there every day on the front lines saving actual lives Tony, and not just tinkering with machines in a basement like you do! How on earth can he do that when you’ve taken the suit away from him?” I didn’t do it Tony numbly thought, I didn’t do anything.

“You’re going to fix this Tony. You are going to fix this right now and stop being so damn petty. So I was sleeping with the man! That doesn’t give you the right to interfere in either of our lives like that! And don’t think I don’t know it was you that had the jet conveniently transferred when I was due to make a trip Tony, a trip I might add that was for your company. I seem to remember you doing your fair share of sleeping around before we entered into our farce of a relationship. So it happened to you, build a bridge and get over it Tony.” Steve was fighting the urge to try and reach through the phone and strangle Pepper, instead he stayed planted where he was unsure of what to do but so badly wanting to do something.

“I will make you pay for this Tony. You think you’re the only smart one in the room but you’re wrong. After all the shit you’ve pulled since Afghanistan don’t think I don’t have enough grounds to have you removed from the company Tony. It’s yours in name only, don’t ever think otherwise. I keep your name there because that’s the name that sells. I’m the CEO and you are going to let me do my job without interference and you are going to extend the same courtesy to Rhodey. I will end you, don’t for a second think you have immunity. Am I making myself clear Tony?” It was that last shrill screech of his name that finally freed Tony; he turned on his heel without a look in either Steve’s or the phones direction and bolted from the room in the direction of his workshop. 

“Tony! Tony, are you even listening to me?” Pepper continued to yell. Steve had finally had enough of listening to the cruel barbs that Pepper threw at Tony. She spoke his name like it was a burden. Didn’t she know that it was a gift?   
Steve stood in front of the phone, glaring down at the offensive piece of technology as if it were the woman herself. Out of respect for Tony he had said nothing, he hadn’t even spoken to his fellow teammates other than to update them on Tony’s condition. He had risen above the petty cruelty that he was quickly learning Pepper was more than capable of. He had never heard Tony speak ill of her, not even after everything she had done, Tony had said nothing, done nothing but mourn the loss of her in his life. Steve couldn’t anymore, he couldn’t just stand there and let this go unanswered he was a gentleman and liked to think that he was kind and understanding in most circumstances, but he was also not the type of man to let a challenge go unanswered and Pepper had issued the challenge. 

“He heard you alright, he heard every hateful word you spat at him.” Steve tried to keep the growl out of his voice, he wanted to make sure that she heard every syllable of what he was going to say.

“Steve, is that you? Where is Tony? I want to speak to him.” Pepper demanded, it was tone that usually cowed anyone she faced off against, but Steve wasn’t just anyone.

“You aren’t going to speak to Tony, Pepper, that’s one thing that I want to make sure YOU are understanding very clearly. Am I speaking slowly enough for you?” Pepper made a weak sound in the affirmative, Steve just ploughed on through, he wasn’t taking any prisoners.

“You aren’t going to contact Tony anymore because you have nothing left to say to him. This whole time he has done nothing but bend over backwards for you, and Rhodey as well, and how have you returned that favour? He sacrifices everything that he has and is for everyone else and you were too wrapped up in yourself to see. The sad thing is you don’t even know how precious what you lost is. Tony isn’t an afterthought, he isn’t a burden and contrary to your mistaken and much shared opinion he isn’t broken. You tried to break him every damn day and he still came out the other side alive, despite all of your efforts. Open your eyes Pepper.”

“You don’t own anything, not his company and not Tony. That company has done more good than you’ll ever do and it was all done because Tony made it happen. He didn’t just sacrifice for you; he did it for the whole damn world. He was willing to die for everyone, to throw himself into a god damn space hole with a nuclear missile meanwhile you can’t even answer the phone for him to say goodbye! Every time he puts that suit on and throws himself in front of whatever we’re facing he does it for you, for every damn person, because he can’t stand to see someone hurt. Every time he does it he’s willing to die so that someone else doesn’t have to. That’s the kind of man you tossed away, the kind of man that you berate and belittle. It’s easy to be high and mighty Pepper when you’re staring out the window of a high-rise but you best remember who put you there. He built you up and you beat him down, cheated on him and left him feeling unworthy and utterly alone. So here’s my promise to you Pepper, you are going to answer for every threat that you ever made to Tony, for every cruel remark you threw his way and every time you felt the need to hurt him. You won’t just answer to me, but to every person who cares for Tony and there are lot more people that are willing to fight for him than you. Remember that Pepper, when you’re laying alone in your bed at night, Tony is loved and he will always have a family. What do you have other than what he gave you?” Steve hurled the phone away from himself, the crushing smash it made as it collided with the wall gave him little comfort. His chest heaved in an attempt to calm his breathing, he was so angry he wanted to tear something apart with his bare hands. With much effort on his part Steve tried to calm his breathing, tried to see past the red that clouded his vision, for Tony he could do this. He needed to find him and make sure he was okay but he couldn’t go to him like this.

“Jarvis where is Tony?” Steve bit off as clearly as he could.

“Mister Stark is in the lab, he has initiated the lockdown and privacy protocols so I can not see what he is doing. I am still monitoring his vital signs, however, and everything appears to be within acceptable parameters given the current situation.” Jarvis’s voice was calming in the face of the screeching voice that was still straining his every nerve. 

“Can you please ring Ms. Romanov for me, Jarvis?” His breathing had finally managed to return to normal. The sound of the dial tone ringing in the background serving to wrest him further from his anger, he needed to talk to Nat and he needed to be calm when he did so.

“Uh-hey?” He was shocked to hear Clint’s voice instead of Nat. He wondered where the spy could be.

“Clint, its Steve, I need you to get a message to Natasha for me, can you do that?”

“Yeah, hold up Capsicle she’s coming back, she was just wrangling some food for the movie. What’s up anyway, how’s life in Stark Mansion?” Clint could always be counted on to make Steve smile; it was easy to forget at times that he was also trained to be a lethal assassin and spy. 

“Everything has been going really well, we may have had a little hiccup this morning but nothing I don’t think that I can get a handle on.”

“What happ-” Clint was interrupted by Natasha’s return.

“Barton, what was the rule about touching my phone? Don’t make me hurt you.”

“I didn’t do anything I shouldn’t have! Cap was ringing and he asked to speak to you.” Steve took his cue and decided to speak before Clint suffered bodily harm, after all, this time he really hadn’t done anything wrong one of the rare occasions that could actually be said.

“Nat, it’s me.” Steve spoke with the same tone that made hardened soldiers snap to attention, he knew that the tone wouldn’t affect her but he hoped that it would communicate that this wasn’t a call for pleasures sake.

“What’s happened?” Nat sounded far too calm which was always an ominous sign, if Steve’s anger had burned red hot hers was ice cold and far more lethal for it. 

“She threatened him Nat, she honest to God threatened him and thought no one else could hear.” Where mere moments before he had been swallowed by his rage now he was shocked at what Pepper had done, still not truly believing it himself. He needed someone else to verify what he had heard just to know that he wasn’t crazy.

“Hold on.” On the other end of the line Steve could hear Nat furiously tapping at her phone, whatever she was doing it was going to end well. “I’m assuming you’re talking about the phone call this morning?”

Steve hummed in the affirmative; of course Nat would be tracking down the phone call. She was an absolute menace and he made yet another mental note to make sure that she never become his enemy. 

“I’m downloading the audio now, I’ll go through it as soon as its here. Steve you know what this means don’t you? I can do this, but I need you to give me the go ahead.” She sounded so eerily calm and Steve wished that he could channel that.

“All gloves are off now. Don’t harm either of them, I just want to make sure that they know they can’t hurt him.” Steve ran a hand over his forehead, the last time he’d had a headache of this magnitude a building had collapsed on top of him, leaving him dazed and aching despite even his amazing healing.

“I don’t need to hurt them. We’ll handle it. Just make sure he’s okay Cap, get him home safely.” Steve could hear the concern in her voice, it could never be doubted that she deeply cared for everyone on the team despite her lack of overt affection but Tony was, as was usually the case, the exception to the rule. 

“I’ll get him home, can’t miss movie night tomorrow night right?” He really hoped that his voice conveyed confidence, because he didn’t feel confident in the least. Truth be told he wasn’t sure at all what he was going to do with Tony, at least if he got him back to the tower he knew that Tony was well out of Pepper’s vindictive reach. 

“Captain you need to attend to Mister Stark.” Jarvis smoothly cut in. Steve winced hoping that Clint and Nat wouldn’t read too much into it, he had to at least appear like he had control of the situation, he was supposed to be their leader. 

“I’ll keep you guys posted, send the Quinjet we’ll be heading back to New York either late this evening or early tomorrow.” Steve didn’t hear Jarvis end the call; he was already heading for the basement. Lock down and privacy protocols be damned he was getting into that workroom if it killed him. 

***  
Tony blindly ran for the safety of his workshop, he ran from the phone and her voice not wanting to hear whatever else she may have to say about him. He hadn’t bothered to look back at Steve, he hadn’t wanted to see the look of disappointment on his face. He was going to hear all the things that Pepper accused him of and he was going to hate him as well. He was going to leave, Tony was sure of it. So Tony ran, not ready to watch another person that he cared about walk out of his life.

Tony didn’t see the stairs, it was more sheer luck than any skill that maneuvered him safely down them. He just needed to get to his workshop. The glass door slide smoothly open and he was greeted by the usual chaos and disorder that his workshop was in when he was in the middle of a project. He couldn’t even remember what he had been working on but it must have been something major, tools were scattered everywhere and blue prints littered the workshop benches.

“Jarvis, lockdown and privacy protocols now.” His voice strangled by the tears that threatened to fall. He heard no reply from Jarvis as was his usual fashion after a command, the privacy protocol made sure that not even Jarvis communicated with him. He was completely alone, no one was looking out for him now. It was fitting he thought, there was nothing here to surround him but his precious machines and inventions. 

He swung wildly about grasping at the littered bench to keep him upright. He felt as if his chest were caving in, he couldn’t breathe and nothing now could keep the tears at bay. Surely this is what it must feel like to shatter apart? He’d known about Pepper and Rhodey, he wasn’t blind and he certainly wasn’t stupid but to hear it from her own mouth, to have it so casually thrown in his face was the cruelest torment. He’d known and he’d said nothing because it was his best friend and the woman he had once loved and he would rather have had any part of them in his life than nothing at all even if it was tearing him apart. He knew how to live with hurt, knew how to breathe around the weight on his lungs and avoid his own sharp edges. But this, this wasn’t hurt this was utter devastation, total destruction of self. 

He screamed, he screamed with the force of every pent up emotion that he had inside him and with every ounce of hurt that he felt. He screamed and he screamed. He wasn’t even aware of himself, he was reduced to a trapped, wild animal. He grabbed for the things on the bench with no recognition for any one item but just the burning need to destroy and hurt. Nothing in his path was safe he grabbed item after item and threw, ripped, tore and punched. In his wake there was nothing left but destruction, every item that he had loved and cared for was a broken mess around him and still he sought to destroy. There was no care for the broken things under his bare feet or his already torn hands, he couldn’t feel any of it, he just kept moving forward. 

***  
Steve ran down the stairs, Jarvis couldn’t see what was going on and Steve didn’t want to leave anything to chance. He was brought short at the glass entrance to Tony’s workshop. He couldn’t hear any of what was going on but he could see and that was enough. Tony looked as if he were being controlled by some terrible primal force; he was utterly wild and terrifying in his rage. This wasn’t just anger thought Steve, this was hurt, the kind that ran so deep it was carved into your bones.

The glass door wouldn’t budge, Steve clawed at it uselessly hoping that he could get it open. He was desperately trying to get inside and get to Tony, he could see the rivulets of blood that ran down his arms and knew that he had to get inside soon. Tony was out of things to take his anger out on and in their absence Steve was terrified he would turn on himself. In a last ditch attempt to get his attention, anything to pull Tony’s attention away from what he was doing and hopefully get inside to him Steve began pounding on the glass. 

Amidst all the destruction that he had wrought Tony heard a dull banging and swung in the direction of the perceived threat. Let them come, he thought, he wanted to rip them apart and feel them bleed or better yet to let them rip him apart and take him away from all this pain and anger that he could no longer control. The floodgates had been opened and he had no way of shutting them, every hurt that he had experienced was clawing at his skin, eating away at him all of them at once fighting to get to the forefront of his mind and consume him. 

What he saw though wasn’t a threat, wasn’t the fight that he so desperately needed but instead was something else entirely. At first he didn’t understand, who was this person and why did they look so frightened? Steve. This was Steve, his mind supplied. But why couldn’t he get in, Steve had blanket permission to go wherever he wanted? That’s when Tony remembered he had locked him out, he had tried to lock the world out, had hoped he would succeed. Tony numbly shook his head at Steve, he wasn’t going to let him in, he wanted to die. He was so tired of fighting and hiding it all. He was going to let it destroy him, he sank to the floor crashing amongst the detritus uncaring of the further damage it did to him.

Steve was beyond desperation now. Tony had seen him, had shook his head at him and then it was like all of the fight had just left him. Steve roared, Tony was laying unmoving on the ground and he needed to get to him. The glass wouldn’t budge no matter how hard he threw himself at it, he vaguely remembered Tony telling him that he had replaced it after the last repulsor mishap to something that was far hardier if more expensive just so it could stand up to the abuse that his Iron Man suit was sure to dish out. 

“Jarvis unlock the damn door, he’s going to kill himself! Get me in there now!” Steve growled out, there was no other way to describe. He was frantic with worry for Tony and he needed to get to him now.

“Captain America personal safety protocol initiated.”

The doors began to open and Steve shouldered his way through as soon as the gap was even minimally large enough. With all the speed that the serum had granted him Steve ran to Tony’s side. Please please let him be okay, he silently begged, I need him to be okay. Steve was glad that he had put his boots on this morning in preparation for heading out, he wasn’t sure if he would have been able to navigate the broken glass and twisted hunks of metal and other tools otherwise. And there was Tony in the middle of it all, lying silent and unmoving, his ragged breathing and sluggish oozing of blood the only things to mark that he was still alive.

“Tony!” Steve screamed hoping that Tony would hear him and respond. There was nothing, no response, not even an indication that he had heard.

Steve bent down and grabbed Tony as quickly and gently as he could, he needed to get him out of here and assess the damage. Tony struggled in his grasp, trying to throw himself back onto the floor, Steve was just thankful that he was moving.

“It’s okay Tony, it’s going to be okay.” Of course it wasn’t going to be okay but that’s the kind of stupid thing that people were expected to say in this kind of situation. 

Steve ran up the stairs two at a time, Tony clutched to his chest despite his attempts to topple them both over, he had never been so thankful of his super strength in his life before. He quickly reached the top of the stairs, flying past the staircase that led up to the bedrooms and past the expansive foyer running to the kitchen. He knew that he had seen a first aid kit in one of the cupboards, now if he could just remember which one. In his haste he slid against the tiles in the kitchen, quickly righting himself so that he didn’t drop Tony, he didn’t need to add broken bones to the list of his injuries. Without even letting the genius go and not fully trusting that he wouldn’t harm himself further Steve swiped the first aid kit from the cabinet above the sink and turned to place Tony on the marble breakfast bar. 

Tony looked up at Steve with bleary tear filled eyes, red and puffy from the tears that had carved lines down his face. He snarled at him, who was he to think that he could just manhandle Tony like this? Didn’t he see that Tony just wanted to be left alone, why wouldn’t he just leave him be? Tony beat at Steve uselessly with his bloody fists, fingers tangling in the soft cotton of Steve’s shirt cruelly twisting the fabric as he tried to push him away. Steve didn’t fight he let Tony beat at him, he didn’t yell or make a move to leave he simply waited and hoped that Tony, his Tony, would come back to him. 

Slowly, as if Tony were in a place that operated outside of time all together, Tony began to come back in increments. He was loathe to come back at all, at least in this roiling place of deafening anger and terrible desolating sadness he was sheltered from conscious thought. He was in a place that transcended reality entirely and operated only on animal instinct. Eventually he stopped beating at Steve, what was the use when it wasn’t Steve he was mad at but himself? Frantic fists and staccato beats turned into gripping claws, Steve was the only thing keeping him together he was sure if it. He pulled him closer, needing to surround himself in the safety that only he could offer. He sobbed brokenly into Steve’s neck wishing desperately that he could communicate the medley of thoughts racing through his mind. If he could speak he would have screamed, please don’t hate me, I’m sorry, don’t go, I need you, but nothing left his mouth but broken sobs and ragged breaths that felt like broken glass. Every breath shredding his lungs making it that much harder to breathe. Steve sensed that Tony wasn’t as unreachable as he had been and risked speaking, hoping that he would offer Tony some comfort.

“Tony, I’m here, come on I need you to breathe. Please for me Tony just try to slow down your breathing a little. Feel me breathe, try to match that.” Steve rubbed his hand left hand over Tony’s back whilst his right tangled in the soft curls of his hair and gently cradled him against his chest.

Tony forced his world to narrow down to just Steve’s breathing and Steve’s voice. Minutes, hours, or maybe days later his breathing finally seemed to calm. He had no idea of how long he had been like he had been he only knew that he was in so much pain, his body aching just as much as his soul.

“’m fine now,” he rasped out, his voice thick with emotion and ragged from screaming. 

Steve visibly relaxed at the sound of Tony’s broken voice. He’s back, he thought; thank God he’s back.

“I need to look at where you’re hurt, do you think that would be okay?” Steve spoke in the calmest most placating tone that he had. He wasn’t going to demand or tell Tony to do anything, if he wanted he would take him to the hospital just as long as Tony was taken care of he would sit here as long as was needed. 

“Yeah,” Tony rasped once more. Steve braced himself, Tony needed him and he was going to fix this. Gently extricating himself from Tony’s bloody grasp he gentled cradles the genius’ clever hands.

“Tony I’m just going to get a wet cloth okay, I can’t see with all the blood.” Steve briefly glanced down at Tony’s feet and saw that they were pretty much in the same situation and would need cleaning as well. 

Moving quickly he grabbed a cloth and ran it under warm water bringing it and a dry towel over to the breakfast bar where he had sat Tony. Even though he was gentle he could see that even these small motions were hurting him. His hands and feet were ragged and torn, cuts one over the other leaving a bloody meaty mess. Blood still oozes from the cuts but it is nothing compared to the crimson swathes that had covered him in the workshop. Working as quickly and gently as possible Steve cleans out the cuts, disinfects them meticulously and dresses them with all the care and expertise of a man who has done this a hundred times before. Really some of the cuts should be stitched, especially the deep ones on his feet but there are so many superficial ones laced in with the deeper more painful ones that its more easier and less painful for Tony just to dress them. Thankfully the bandages stay pristine and white, Steve can at least rest at the thought that Tony isn’t going to bleed out on him.

Next to go are the clothes, Steve had imagined undressing Tony countless times and though he does it with as much care as he would under different circumstances he can’t help wishing these were them. His shirt and jeans are torn in an innumerable amount of places, flecks of glass and other detritus from the floor of the workshop have caught in the worn fabric. Underneath the clothes and free of all the dirt, once Steve had gently run a warm wet cloth over the skin that he had bared, Steve can see the numerous bruises that mar Tony’s beautifully tanned skin. 

Tony is patient as Steve strips him and then bathes him, leaving him in nothing more than his boxers the only item of clothing that had managed to escape destruction. He hurts, his hands and feet are just pinpoints of throbbing pain, his head a dull ache and even his bones hurt. Every part of him feels as if he’s been pulverized and he thinks with no small amount of shame that he did this all to himself.

“Tony do you want to take some of these? They’ll help with the pain and I’ll get you an ice pack for your ribs, I think you may have cracked a couple of them when you fell.” Tony says nothing, simply takes the two pills that Steve offers him and obediently swallows. 

“You can go if you want to. You don’t have to hang around, not after everything I’ve done.” Tony looks at Steve’s back as he speaks, he waited until Steve had turned away from him to speak, unable to meet his eyes.

Steve is back in an instant, the ice pack placed gently beside Tony on the breakfast bar. Tony won’t meet his eyes, in fact he just resolutely looks down. Mustering all the courage the he has in him and trying to keep his anger for Pepper at bay, he gently places one of his hands under Tony’s chin and tilts his head up to meet his eyes.

“Tony, I am not going anywhere. You have done nothing wrong, absolutely nothing, and I will not simply abandon you. I couldn’t just-” he tries to finish but emotion strangles his voice and tears threaten to spill over.

Tony looks up at him and silently begs him to finish what he was going to say. He can’t be the first one to make a move. He needs to hear this from Steve and know that Steve actually means it. 

“You did nothing wrong Tony, you never have. You take care of everyone else and fix everyone’s problems, but just this once please let me take care of you. You don’t need fixing, I want you just as you are. Tony – God I…I’m in love with you Tony.” Steve looks at him hoping beyond all hopes that Tony won’t run, that just this once he’ll let someone in and that that someone will be him.

Tony has two choices: on the one hand he can choose to say no, can do his usual routine and push Steve away but on the other hand he could say yes. He could say yes and let Steve in instead of pushing him away not because he’s achingly lonely and terrified of being abandoned but because he loves him too. 

He thinks back to his childhood, to all the times his world had been so dark and lonely left in a home with a mother that simply couldn’t cope and a father who he would never be good enough for except as a vent for his anger. His remembers every one of those beatings and drunken abusive speeches his father was so good at giving but he also remembers Captain America. He had idolized him, always imagined that he would swoop in one day and save him, take him away from his awful excuse of a home. If Tony is honest with himself he has loved Steve longer than he even knew, but he locked it all away because that’s what he did with all of his boyhood hopes and dreams, buried them in the attic of his mind afraid of what horrors they might reveal were he to open their boxes. But maybe just maybe he can open this one box and not get hurt.

Steeling himself for the rejection he is always so terrified of receiving Tony leans in and presses his lips against Steve’s. Its not even really a kiss just a gentle press of lips, an assurance on Tony’s part that he heard what Steve said and he’s not saying no. There won’t be any whispered I love you’s or confessions on his part, he’s not ready for that yet, but for now he can give this much. 

Steve melts into Tony at the feeling of his lips pressed against his own. He makes no move to deepen the kiss, he won’t ever take more than Tony is ready to give and he won’t ever just take.

“Steve, please take me to bed?” Tony mouths against Steve’s lips. Steve tries not to let his heart beat out of his chest, opening his mouth to speak Tony silences him before he can even get a word out.

“Not like that, I’m just- I’m tired Steve and I don’t want to be alone. Please can you take me to bed and hold me? I knows its ridiculous but I just need to feel safe and you’re what makes me feel safe, makes me feel cared for.” Tony winces at how emotional he sounds, he really doesn’t do the whole talking about your feelings thing but he thinks that after everything Steve has done for him he can at least try to communicate.

Steve bundles him up into his arms, Tony’s bare chest cradled against his ruined shirt and carries him towards the stairs that lead to the bedroom.

“Always,” he says as ne nuzzles him mouth against the soft hair at Tony’s temple, pressing a soft kiss against his skin as he takes in the soothing scent that is just Tony.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always I hope you enjoyed it, let me know what you think! I always appreciate feedback. I promise to get the next chapter up in a more timely manner. Next chapter we have all the Avengers to look forward too as well as a surprise visit from our favourite God of Mischief. Have a fantastic weekend!


	6. Before You There Was Never ‘Home’ There Was Simply ‘Alone’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I read my comments at the end of last chapter and let me be the first to say I am an idiot. I meant Loki would make an appearance this chapter not Steve. Damn it. Aaaaaaaand I lied. I decided to get this chapter up so there was something more to read and also because my plans for next chapter are a lot more involved and I wanted room to really play with Loki. 
> 
> Also let me just say I am so not okay after Civil War and may want to punch a certain shield wielding character in his in smug mouth. That movie ruined me and I am so not okay with how the MCU seems to make Tony their punching bag every flipping time. Hugs to everyone who is a die hard Tony fan like myself.

If I showed you my teardrops,  
Would you collect them like rain,  
Store them in jars,  
That are labeled with “Pain”,  
Would you follow their tracks,  
From my eyes down my cheeks,  
As they write all the stories,  
I’m too scared to speak,  
Would you stop them with kisses,  
Bring their flow to a halt,  
As you teach me that pain,  
Isn’t always my fault,  
Would you hold my face gently,  
As you dry both my eyes,  
And whisper the words,  
“You’re too precious to cry”,  
If I showed you my teardrops,  
Would you show me your own,  
And learn though we’re lonely,  
We’re never alone.

\- Erin Hanson

Sleep was slow in coming to Tony that night, despite the fact that he was curled up in Steve’s arms. But tonight his arms offered little comfort, safety yes, but not the comfort that he was so badly in need of. His hands and feet ached, sharp reminders of what he had done. It had been so long since he had lost control like that. It was the loss of control that was so total and uncontrollable that had left Tony so shaken. He had quickly learnt as a child not to express his emotions that openly, and certainly never his pain, he would never willingly give someone something that could be used against him later. Instead Tony had followed Stark tradition, locked his emotions tightly down and attempted to drown them in the type of comfort that can only be found at the very bottom of the bottle. 

Tony rolled over further, turning into the warmth of Steve’s chest pressing his head close hoping to be lulled asleep by the calm beat of his heart and warm sweet smell that he had come to associate with Cap. His legs tangled into Steve’s, his arms trapped between the weight of both their chests hands gently cradled against his arc reactor. The ambient blue glow that the arc reactor cast in the room was reassuring in a way that it shouldn’t be for a fully-grown man. Even as a child he had been terrified of the dark, it was perhaps fitting then that he had a night-light permanently imbedded in his chest. Funny how life works out. Tony rubbed absently around the skin warm metal edges of it, it may be a light in the darkness and the only thing keeping him alive but he had never asked for it and would get rid of it in an instant if he could. 

Steve was awake almost immediately as soon as he had felt Tony shift further into his arms. He consciously fought the urge to tighten his arms around Tony, he wasn’t ready to let the genius know that he was awake. Tony was always so self-conscious when he knew that he was being watched. It may have been wrong but Steve loved the moments when he could catch Tony like this, see him as the man he was, and not the man he pretended to be. So many pages of his art book were taken up with random sketches of parts of Tony that no one else would ever think to document. Hands that were so clever and nimble caught in one of the rare moments where they weren’t actually doing anything more than resting around a warm mug of coffee, grease painting the grooves in fingers, highlighting the callouses on his hand. His brow furrowed as his mind worked furiously on some problem only Tony could comprehend, hair madly splayed across his forehead in wild abandon. Steve even sketched the arc reactor, despite Tony’s obvious reticence to show anyone. 

Steve marveled at its creation, wondered how Tony could see it as nothing more than an ugly chunk of metal in his chest that kept him alive. It was beautiful in more than its design and purpose, the care and craftsmanship that had been put in it was nothing short of extraordinary. Even the thick ropes of scars around it were beautiful in their own way, they were silvery almost luminescent reminding Steve of the way that moonlight kissed the water in the dark. Despite their thick and perhaps rough appearance they were incredibly soft to the touch, though Steve had only fleetingly pressed against them on one of the occasions where he was holding Tony in his sleep he would never forget the incredible softness. One day he was determined to map every line of those scars, to trace every valley and ridge of them with both his fingers and tongue until he had revealed every secret that they held. He would make Tony see them the way that he did, as a mark of his ingenuity, beauty and determination to survive. Even thinking about them made Steve’s fingers itch to touch them, something that would be impossible given Tony’s current state of wakefulness. 

“How long have you been awake?” Tony whispered against Steve’s chest, a smile coloring his voice. Apparently Steve hadn’t been as stealthy as he thought he had been.

“Only a few minutes, its hard to stay awake in your bed. What is this mattress even made out of?” He hoped that he would distract Tony from the fact that he had been watching him in such a blatant way. 

“For what it cost it had better be made out of unicorn fur and rainbows.” Tony snorted against his chest. “Steve?”

Steve hmmed, reluctant to speak when he had the golden opportunity to nuzzle into Tony’s citrus smelling hair. For once Tony didn’t feel the need to pull away from human contact, this was Steve. He still had his whole “I don’t like to be handed things” issues. Before Steve had come here the closest he had come to real human contact in almost a year had been post battle pats on the back from his teammates. Almost a year, just as long as Pepper had been screwing his best friend. He had been loathe to let Pepper leave but he had also been unable to touch her or allow her close. She had driven the wedge between them and yet the blame for the distance was placed squarely at Tony’s feet. He guessed that’s just what you get when most nights you’d rather be hopped up on coffee blearily eyed surveying schematics than in bed with your attractive girlfriend. No Steve’s touch didn’t make him recoil, it made his skin tingle. He wanted to be touched; he ached with the need to feel Steve’s hands on him, his body surrounding his.

“Please.” Tony didn’t realize how wrecked his voice sounded in the dark. 

Steve had no idea what Tony could possibly have meant, his broken plea only serving to confuse him. All his thoughts stuttered to an abrupt halt as he felt Tony’s lips against the soft skin of his neck. His heart began to beat faster than he thought possible his body reacting faster than his thoughts could.

Tony pressed his body fully against Steve’s, his hips slotting perfectly into the spaces between Steve’s. He needed to feel him, to taste more of the tender skin of his neck where he smelled so good all sleep warmed and soft. Tony gently ran his teeth against the length of the tendon in Steve’s neck eliciting one of the most delicious moans that he had ever heard. He hadn’t even known that Steve could make a sound like that but he needed to hear more of it. He needed Steve to touch him. 

Steve moaned against the teeth on his neck, it was the sweetest torture. He hadn’t even known that his neck was that sensitive. Steve’s every sexual encounter had been a rushed affair to say the least, it was hard to really let go and take the time to enjoy yourself when a bomb could drop on your head at any moment. He wasn’t a virgin, it was just another thing in a long list that he could attribute to his time in the army, but he had never been with anyone in the way that he wanted to be with Tony. He had thought about it endlessly, brought himself to completion to every delicious permutation that he could imagine, but nothing could have prepared him for the reality of a horny Tony. 

Unable to lay passively in the bed while Tony reduced him to a shuddering mess with nothing more than the feverish press of his teeth against Steve’s neck he flipped them pinning Tony to the mattress with nothing more than the not inconsiderable weight of his hips. Steve shuddered as he felt just how aroused Tony was and to feel it pressed up against him, it was too much and not enough all at the same time. He fought the need to grind and press, to find the friction that they both so badly craved. He was going to do this right and not just rut against Tony like a mindless animal, though admittedly it was a close call when he had him exactly where he wanted him pressed against him like he was made to fit into every hollow. 

“Tony, I need you to tell me if you want this or not. We can’t go back from this. I can’t just have you and then let you go. I won’t. Do you understand?” Steve rasped, arousal dripping from his every word. Tony froze beneath him, reluctantly freeing the mouthful of Steve’s neck that he had been sucking a mark into. It didn’t matter that the mark would fade in a matter of minutes with the way that Steve healed, Tony would know that he had put it there and that’s what mattered.

“Steve, no offense but I’m a genius and I’ve thought of every possible outcome here and none of them end with us stopping.” Tony hoped that was enough, he really wanted to get back to marking Steve, there were so many places he wanted to explore and so little time. Steve fought the ridiculous urge to laugh.

“Tony this isn’t a one night thing. If we do this we do this right or I walk away while I still can. You have to choose here, because I know what I want and its you. You have the power to destroy me and I’m willing to give you that, to give you everything but in return I need to know that this isn’t just some quick fix-it for you. I need to know you won’t run or hate me in the morning.” He knew he was probably being ridiculous and more than a little sentimental, but he needed to know where Tony stood. He was in love with him and didn’t have the strength to walk away, didn’t think he had it in him to watch Tony walk away.

Tony’s heart cracked at Steve’s words, okay so maybe what he had said before hadn’t been the most reassuring thing but in his defense it was really hard when Captain freaking America and his entire bulk was spread all over you in all the right ways. No focus Tony, he mentally berated himself, you need to use your big boy words.

“Steve, I promise you that you are not a quick roll in the hay. Contrary to what Pepper thinks, I am capable of an actual adult relationship and I want that. More importantly I want that with you. I want to wake up wrapped in you in the mornings, eat meals with you that are actual meals and not just my usual fare, hell I even want to put your god awful old man pants in the closet with mine,” as he spoke he placed his hands on either side of Steve’s face making him look him in the eye so that he knew Tony wasn’t bullshitting him. “I want you, and I love you ya giant beefcake. You are every dirty teenage fantasy I ever had. I’ve wanted you my whole life. I’m yours, please take me, don’t make me wait any longer. I can’t not be yours any longer.” His voice wavered at his confession. Okay so he hadn’t meant to actually blab all that out but then he always had had a runaway mouth.

Steve groaned at the words leaving Tony’s mouth. Love. Take. His. Mine, his mind growled at the same time he did. He didn’t need anything else, he knew how much that must have taken Tony to say he wasn’t going to press for more. He also wasn’t going to forget the rushed confession any time soon. Leaning down he sealed his mouth against Tony’s. Unlike the first time that they had kissed this was no gentle press of lips. Steve plundered Tony’s mouth, his tongue swiping at Tony’s bottom lip slipping inside his mouth as Tony gasped against his. Tony tasted exactly like he had thought he would, he was like a rich expensive scotch warm, smoky and utterly addictive. He could spend hours just kissing this man, he thought, and how could you not when the kiss was returned with such enthusiasm. Tony was more than his equal in this arena.

Tony mewled, honest to god mewled, at the delicious feeling of Captain fucking America sucking on his tongue. God damn it if that thought wasn’t going to get him hard enough to hammer nails for the rest of his life. In fact after tonight Tony was pretty sure that he would never be able to look at his mouth the same without remembering the sensual and skillful way that Steve’s tongue had sparred with his. As good as the kiss was and as loathe as he was to break it Tony also needed air, unlike Steve he couldn’t hold his breath for a ridiculous amount of time.

“Shirt. Off. Now.” Tony managed even as he gasped in mouthfuls of air, trying to refill his burning lungs as quickly as possible. Steve, ever the obedient soldier, sinuously slide his body down the length of Tony’s sliding to stand next to the bed.

Tony whined at the loss of Steve’s body against his own, he was quickly silenced, however, by the wondrous sight of Steve shucking his shirt off. The lights were on low enough not to strain eyes that had been in darkness for hours, he wasn’t even sure when that had happened but no doubt Jarvis was responsible. And really thank god for Jarvis because who in their right mind would want to be robbed of the glorious sight that was Stephen Rogers pulling off his shirt. 

Steve locked eyes with Tony, he had never undressed for anyone with the intention of seducing them but damn it if he wasn’t going to do that now. Judging by the ragged breaths that Tony was taking and the way his eyes were nearly all black, he was doing a fine job. Next to go were his sleep pants, and with them his boxers, he wasn’t going to waste time when he had an eager Tony waiting for him. He sighed at the relief that the removal of fabric had from his straining erection, his length no longer painfully tenting against the fabric of his pajamas.

Tony swallowed audibly at the naked sight of Steve in front of him. Alright, so he was proportionate everywhere that answered that question. Tony’s mouth positively watered, one day he was going to get very intimate indeed with that glorious appendage and he was going to take his time. Unfortunately tonight wasn’t the night for slow exploration, he needed Steve and he needed Steve now. 

“Tony,” Steve’s voice drew Tony’s eyes away from his length and reluctantly up to his eyes, “where is the lube Tony? I’m assuming you don’t just want me to use spit.” Oh god, and wasn’t that a mouth watering thought. Tony squirmed in the bed, his hips helplessly thrusting into the empty air that Steve had not long ago been occupying.

“In the-in the bedside table nearest you,” Tony breathed out, unable to keep from squirming further. He didn’t bother to watch as Steve rooted through his bedside table for the bottle of lube that he was sure was buried under a copy of ‘Mechanics Monthly’, and yeah he really hoped Steve wasn’t going to ask why Tony kept lube in his bedside table when he had only very recently had a girlfriend. A girlfriend that he hadn’t done more than peck on the cheek in over 11 months. Nope, Tony was very much not thinking about that. Instead he was putting all the energy that he could muster into getting his injured hands to cooperate long enough for him to pull his boxer shorts off. 

Steve quickly grabbed the half depleted bottle – he was very definitely going to ask about that later – and slinked back to the bed. Tony was rather adorably struggling with his injured hands to get himself free of his boxers, eager beaver that he was.

“Here let me help,” Steve offered, less out of the need to actually help but more as an excuse to get his hands on Tony once more. 

He couldn’t help himself, he had to trace the just of Tony’s hipbones against his tanned skin before he reached for the top of his boxers. As soft and wonderful as the fabric of Tony’s underwear may have been it really needed to get out of the way. Both men groaned as Tony was freed from his cloth prison, his cock bobbing outrageously towards his stomach pre cum pearling at the end of its head serving only to taunt Steve. 

“As much as I’m enjoying this whole staring thing, we need to get to the part where you actually touch me.” Steve chuckled at Tony’s tone, even when he was helpless he was still as bossy as ever. A little thing like an injury wasn’t going to get in the way of that. Of course there were always other ways to silence Tony, not that Steve had yet had occasion to try them.

Keeping eye contact with Tony all the while Steve bent his head down slowly, his every move very carefully telegraphing his intention to the genius, giving him plenty of time to turn away if he wanted. Tony, ever one to rise to the challenge, wasn’t going to back down and he wasn’t going to turn away. Not from this. Steve smiled at the look of determination in his eyes. 

At the first touch of Steve’s lips against his cock Tony valiantly fought the urge to cry out, succeeding only in some small measure. Say what you like but this definitely wasn’t Steve’s first rodeo. Tony was helpless at the sensations and sounds that were being rung out of him as Steve traversed his entire length with his mouth. Tony wasn’t at all small, of course he wasn’t packing anything like the fifty-first state of America that was living in Steve’s underwear, but he wasn’t small. Steve hummed in appreciation as he felt Tony hit the back of his throat, this was shaping up to be far better than any fantasy he had ever dreamt up. 

Tony fought the urge not to thrust up into the delicious wet heat of Steve’s mouth, Steve didn’t bat an eyelash just wrapped one big hand around Tony’s left hip and pinned him back against the mattress. He would have used two hands if his right hadn’t been occupied with stealthily opening the bottle of lube and drizzling a generous amount over the three middle fingers of his hand. Tony was too engrossed with the heavenly feeling of being sucked off by Steve to even contemplate what Steve was doing as he gently traced the rim of Tony’s furl with his pointer finger. 

“Oh god yes, Steve, I hadn’t even thought of that. Please do it!” Tony mindlessly babbled. Steve was impressed that Tony could string together coherent sentences at the moment; obviously he wasn’t trying hard enough. With no small amount of satisfaction he smirked around the mouthful of Tony that he had at the moment, grinning like the Cheshire cat at the sound that he made as his finger smoothly entered him.

Tony was sure this was how he was going to die, nothing could feel this good and not actually kill him. All coherent thought was wiped from his mind at the lazy in and out of Steve’s finger inside him as it gently massaged over the delicious bundle of nerves inside him. One finger quickly became two and not long after that three as Steve ruthlessly stretched him open. He was in no way going to hurt Tony but he also wasn’t going to let him come, not until he has buried inside him.

Tony was nothing more than a blubbering mess, he had long since lost his use of English or in fact any of the languages that he knew. His entire world was narrowed down to the delicious burn and stretch of Steve’s fingers and the unrelenting suction of his mouth. Steve reluctantly withdrew his fingers from Tony, he was stretched enough, had been for some time, his fingers now only serving to unnecessarily torture them both. With the withdrawal of his fingers he also let Tony’s member slide from his mouth in a wet pop.

“Tony, where are the condoms?” His voice was like molten heat spreading warmth across Tony, if this is what Steve sounded like after a blow job they were going to have to do this more often. 

It took Tony’s brain a second to reboot and actually understand what Steve was saying to him. Sue him, but it was really hard to think when you were having your brain sucked out through your dick.

“I’m clean. You’re also clean, and I know its creepy that I know that but Jarvis really does monitor everything and I can’t help what gets stuck in my brain sometimes. I want to feel all of you.” Tony rushed out, his skin flushed pink like he was fevered, eyes darkened with lust intently searching Steve’s. Steve had to quickly think of every manner of disgusting thing that he had ever encountered, nothing in the world could have prepared him for the reaction that his body would have to Tony’s ‘I want to feel all of you’. Unbeknownst to Steve, while he had been trying to control the urge to prematurely lose his load all over Tony’s expensive satin sheets, Tony had kept blathering on mistaking Steve’s silence for disgust or anger rather than what it truly was. Once more under control Steve looked up at Tony.

“Tony shut up,” was all he managed to get out before he silenced Tony with his plush lips. Tony eagerly met him in the kiss; fucking his tongue into Steve’s mouth in an imitation of what he soon hoped was going to be done to him. Tony shivered at the unmistakable taste of what he and Steve tasted like together.

Unable, or unwilling, to wait any longer Steve lined himself up with Tony’s stretched hole. Steve was beyond the stage of being able to tease, he had had his fingers buried inside Tony and knew just how tantalizing he had felt, he could only imagine what he would feel like once he finally buried his straining length inside him. 

In one confident slow thrust that seemed to stretch for an eternity Steve buried himself inside Tony. Groans were punched out of both men as all the air in their lungs fled. Tony was so hot and tight, clenching ruthlessly around Steve. Tony cried out, moving his hips demandingly against Steve’s, nothing could have prepared him for the burn and stretch that was all of Steve but damn it if he didn’t need him to move right the fuck now. Tony’s legs rose up to bracket Steve’s hips, his feet pressed against the firm globes of Steve’s ass pushing him impossibly deeper into Tony. Tony was positively howling at the change of angle, he had never felt so full in his life, Steve pressed against every place that he needed him to be. His hands that before had been useless in their injured state now rose up to Steve’s shoulder blades clawing into his skin mindless to the burn of his injured palms. This is what it must feel like to be whole, Tony mused, even as his vision whited out around the edges.

Steve dropped his head against Tony’s shoulder and fought the urge to move. Despite whatever Tony may have done in the past he wasn’t small and he certainly wasn’t going to hurt Tony, not when he had every intention of repeating this experience a million times over. He didn’t think that he would ever get over this, the feeling of being so close to Tony that they may as well have just been one person.

“Fuck,” Steve ground out into the curve of Tony’s sweat shined neck. His mind screaming ‘mine’ on repeat.

Tony had never heard Steve say anything worse than ‘damn’ before, the man positively withered whenever he was in hearing distance of Dead Pool and his filthy mouth, which was saying something coming from Tony. He hadn’t even thought Steve could swear, half convinced that even his thoughts were as pure as the driven snow. It was a dirty word on such a pristine tongue. It was a tantalising contradiction, and so quiet he knew without a doubt it wasn’t supposed to be heard. 

Steve could take staying still no longer, gone was the fevered abandon of before, he wasn’t going to rush this. Oh no, he was going to savour every delicious morsel of it. Tony growled, impatient as ever. His chest rumbling against Steve’s, the light sheen of sweat between them making the friction all the more delicious.

“Fucking move.” Tony managed to bite out in between pants. Steve steadfastly remained where he was.

“Tony, all due respect but shut the hell up.” Steve didn’t bother to wait for a reply just slowly drew his hips away from Tony and then slammed them forward again. Any bravado or witty comment that Tony may have had was stolen by the beautiful burn and stretch of Steve thrusting into him. Steve lost himself to the rhythm of fucking into Tony, he would spend an eternity in this moment if he could but the slow curl of pleasure in his abdomen disagreed. Not one to ever be selfish Steve reached in between their sweating writhing bodies and grasped Tony’s straining cock.

“Oh god Tony, you’re so wet for me, leaking everywhere. Look at you, you’re so beautiful. All mine. You’re mine Tony aren’t you?” Steve punctuated his harsh words with a sensuous lick up the side of Tony’s neck, nuzzling into the soft hair there before taking Tony’s earlobe and nipping it, laving over it to soothe the sting with his tongue. 

Unable to speak Tony just whined, he didn’t know which way to move forward into the hot grasp of Steve’s calloused palm or back into Steve as he was being impaled, made to feel every damn inch of him. Tony would have been embarrassed that he was unraveling so fast but how could he be expected to last with Steve doing things to his body that he could only dream of.

“Say it Tony. Say. It!” Steve growled, once more nipping at Tony. Each word punctuated by a sharp thrust of his hips directly to Tony’s prostate. 

“Fuck. Yours, ‘m yours!” Tony screamed as he came, his vision whiting out as he let his pleasure take him. Eyes scrunched shut unable to keep them open against the onslaught of his orgasm, his body curling further into Steve needing to be closer than they already were.

Steve struggled to keep his grasp gentle as he stroked Tony through his orgasm, ringing every bit of pleasure that he could from him. Unfortunately the hand not on Tony that was tangled in the sheets was not so gentle, he could feel the silken threads rip and burst at his tight grip. They’d be lucky if they were the only casualty of their love making.

Tony clenched down on Steve, a strangled cry ripped from his already abused throat and Steve was lost. Tony was a thing of beauty in the throes of his pleasure, unfortunately for Steve it was not a sight that he got to enjoy long as his own pleasure overcame him. With one last shout Steve thrust into Tony and came for all he was worth.

Reality came back for Tony slowly and in snatches, he was briefly aware of Steve slipping out of him and the half-hearted whine that he gave in protest. He briefly remembered a warm flannel being rubbed over him, ridding him of the evidence of their enthusiastic nocturnal activities. Lastly he remembered Steve climbing into bed behind him and pulling him against his chest, curling protectively around him whispering ‘mine’ into his hair, of course that could also have been his imagination. Then for the first time in a long time Tony fell into sleep without any fear of what would be awaiting him.

***

Tony had had the most wonderful dream, he had been- okay maybe it wasn’t a dream. When he’d gone to bed he was pretty sure his ass hadn’t been throbbing, it was one of the few areas that had escaped injury in his wrath. Steve had already been awake for sometime and happy to watch Tony sleep curled his arms tighter around the genius. He had briefly toyed with the idea of getting up and making Tony breakfast but had quickly dismissed the idea. What if Tony woke up and he wasn’t there and thought he had just left him? No, he wasn’t going to do that, besides who wouldn’t want to lay in bed next to a naked Tony Stark and watch him. Alright, so the last part was a little creepy even he could admit that, but truth be told he didn’t really care all that much. 

“Sir’s it is 9am the Quinjet has arrived in preparation to take you back to your residence at the Tower for the movie night. Shall I let it remain on standby or begin power down procedures?” If an artificial intelligence system could sound amused Jarvis would have, as it was it sounded as if he was containing laughter. Damn near human, Steve thought once more.

“Thanks J, power my baby down we won’t be leaving just yet. Coffee to drink, showers to take, awkward discussion to have and all that.” Tony’s voice rasped out, he still sounded utterly wrecked. Steve fought the urge to laugh, it was odd to think that Tony, Mr. Infamous One Night Stand himself was the one panicking.

“Very well Sir, Mr. Barton has asked me to remind you that it is his turn to pick the movie and you and all the other team members have used your allotted veto’s for the month.” Now Jarvis really did sound like he was laughing, trust bird brain to get the AI on his side. Traitor. Next AI he made it was damn well going to be loyal and obedient, damn it. 

“Mmmm, I don’t know about you but a shower really does sound good. Jarvis would ya be a pal and put the coffee on for Mr. Stark and I?” Steve spoke into the curve of Tony’s shoulder.

“Of course Mr. Rogers.” 

Tony froze in place, wait did this mean that they were okay? Did Steve really mean what he had said last night?

“You are thinking much to loudly when all you should be doing is thinking about bubble Stark. Lots and lots of bubbles.” Steve chuckled as he made his way around the bed in all his naked glory and scooped Tony up as if he weighed nothing. Tony didn’t make an unmanly squeak at being grabbed, no way, and he’d be sure to delete any incriminating footage later he mentally noted.

Well, Tony thought, this is something a guy could used to. He could do bubbles, in fact bubbles were his specialty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always guys hope you enjoyed it, let me know and leave your comments. Hope you all have fantastic amazing days and don't need to much therapy after Civil War. I would also like to take this time to apologise for my abuse of the English language, I clearly need to use the sleep.


	7. Payback Thy Name Is Loki

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update guys Uni has started up and my life is once more a mess just now with education thrown in. Please excuse any mistakes this was written very late at night and I attempted to correct it but if I missed anything I take full responsibility.

Karma is a good judge of character, and you my friend, are fucked.

\- Author Unknown

The morning after wasn’t nearly as awkward as it could have been, in fact things between Steve and Tony had been down right domestic. Tony still wasn’t sure how to deal with the whole blurting “I love you, please get in me now” thing but he always had a big mouth at the best of times. Of course it was very hard to freak out when you were wrapped in the warmest fluffiest blanket known to man- and really who thought to buy this thing because Tony was going to give them a serious raise – and while surrounded by a certain blonde super soldier and the rag tag team of children (super mature and adult super heroes) that had become his family. 

Not that being there was in any way optional for any of the so-called Avengers, movie night was non-negotiable unless someone was on an active mission, or you know dying that was always a valid excuse as well. Tony hunkered down further into the blanket and into Steve’s side, hoping to shield himself from whatever insanity Hawkeye was bringing and given the ominous rumbling in the vents the archer wasn’t far off.

Clint dropped from the vent that opened up somewhere behind the couch, not stopping for a minute. Nope, tonight was his time to shine. The team had collectively worked their way through all the classics, each taking a turn to pick a movie each week. At first it had been an attempt to bring Steve and Thor up to the times but as the weeks went on and more iconic films and television shows were knocked off the list it had become some type of twisted game between the Avengers to pick films that would get a reaction from their team mates. It had all started with Tony playing Disney’s ‘Brave’ and very seriously proclaiming to Thor and Steve that it was a documentary on Clint’s early years, of course the genius couldn’t possibly have known the effect that this would have on the others. Nat and Clint ever ones to rise to the occasion had taken it as some kind of personal challenge to see who could out do the other, Bruce, bless his soul, still for the most part tried to keep the peace and watch films he thought everyone would enjoy, however, there were only so many nature documentaries a person could watch about the very detailed reproduction of oh so fascinating animals such as the starfish. 

“Well Clint what fresh new hell have you decided to inflict upon us tonight?” Natasha drawled from the armchair that she was sprawled in, Bruce’s head in her lap stopping the assassin from easily getting up and throttling Clint. Well, he thought, at least I’ll have a little bit of a head start on her. 

“Nat, Natasha, Natalia, you wound me. Would I ever pick something to intentionally inflict emotional distress upon any member of this team?” Clint beamed innocently at them.

“Yes!” Every member of the team ground out, each staring at Clint warily. It never boded well for anyone when he wore that signature shit eating grin of his. As if on cue the Tower rumbled ominously, Clint nearly sprained his face smiling, he knew what that rumble meant.

“I guess that means Shakespeare in the park has arrived?” Tony queried, he was going to have to talk to Thor about his method of travel, the jarring rumble of the Bifrost really grated on Tony’s last nerve. Plus it was costing a fortune in paint to cover up the mark it left each time. 

“Greetings friends! How goes the screening of the film?” Thor happily boomed as he strode into the lounge room, it was a relief to see that Thor had obviously taken some advice from Darcy and lost the whole drape look that he had going on. Even clad in a pair of jeans and a plain t-shirt he looked no less imposing, honestly shirts weren’t made large enough to contain the defined bulk of the Gods arms and chest.

Clint practically bounced at the arrival of Thor, it meant that he at least had one ally in the room. Goodness knows no one else was going to be impressed with his movie choice, Nat would probably take it out of his flesh later or you know just kick him out of her bed which was totally unfair in a certain archers opinion. 

“Thor my buddy, you are gonna enjoy this one! Tonight for everyone’s viewing entertainment we will be watching ‘White House Down’.” Clint beamed at the assembled heroes. 

“Were you going to let them start without me brother?” Everyone in the room knew that seductive drawl that barely masked the inherent danger of the speaker. 

Everyone in the room stiffened, no one had heard him approach too focused on the interaction between Thor and Barton. No one even expected him to come. The only person, other than Thor of course, that ever showed any real joy at his presence was Tony.

“Reindeer Games!” Tony was happy that Loki had decided to tag along for once. It wasn’t that the team hated him still, they had all gotten Tony’s very detailed and numerous emails about ‘mind control, torture and not judging-yes that means you Spangles need I remind you of Bucky?’ Though they had accepted him in some small measure, mainly to appease Tony, it was harder to forget what he had done, whether he had done so of his own volition or not. Space aliens were something that tended to really stick in the forefront of a persons memory, go figure.

Not wanting to draw more attention to his arrival Loki padded over to the large couch that Steve and Tony had claimed, or rather Steve had claimed and forced Tony there into his blanket burrito. Loki, much like Thor, had embraced modern Midgardian clothing donning a similar outfit to his brother, though his was decidedly less filled out. Honestly what must the tensile strength on one of Thor’s shirts be? Tony was pretty sure that no fabric on earth that he knew of should be able to stand the strain that Thor’s muscles subjected them to. Tony was also pretty sure that Thor could bust a coconut between his pecs, or you know the heads of his enemies, same thing. 

Loki delicately sat himself down beside Tony and regarded the genius warily. He moves like a damn cat, Tony thought, he and Nat should really get together some time and discuss moving around the Tower in a manner that didn’t give him a heart attack every time they managed to sneak up on him.

“I think you’d be happy if we had started this one without you Loki, you’re not missing out on much.” Bruce spoke without looking at him, it was a mark of just how much progress had been made that Bruce could calmly talk to Loki. They weren’t in the realm of friends but there was a grudging respect between the two. Loki respected Banner for his control over the monster inside and the strength that said monster had. Banner respected Loki for his mind and knowledge of magic, and knew a little about what it was like living under the burden of another’s hate for you. 

Loki smiled at the comment, he was just happy to be somewhat accepted by the group of people that he had so grievously wronged. He was thankful for a lot of things these days, not least of which was his brother. The truce between them had been a long time in coming, it had not been easily won and it was all the more precious for it. Loki still thought his brother was an idiot of the highest order, but he was his idiot. He would be oh so happy to clarify that fact for any mortal women in the future. The mention of Jane’s name was still enough to ruffle the capricious Gods feathers. 

Loki did not love easily but when he did he was fiercely loyal to those that he had given his affection to. Given Tony’s rumpled and tired appearance that loyalty was about to be proven, it was clear that something had greatly hurt the genius since he had last seen him. Contrary to popular belief Loki was also capable of great subtlety when the situation called for it. Though he would have loved to simply demand the name of the person who had so foolishly hurt Tony this would no doubt only wound Tony further; and that was something that Loki was simply unwilling to do. 

There was a time, after the battle of New York when Loki had been grievously in need of allies and Tony had reluctantly been that for him, going so far as to advocate his rights. Without Tony, Loki was sure that he would not have the freedom that he now enjoyed. Tony had been the only person brave, or perhaps foolish enough, to dig further into Loki’s motives and he had done so with the same level of obsession that he applied to all of his ‘projects’. It had been the man of Iron that had laid bare the horrific treatment that Loki had suffered under Thanos and the Chitauri. Loki had laid every terrifying part of what had happened to him before Tony’s feet and he had not flinched away at the horror of it all. If anything Loki’s suffering had only served to strengthen the genius’ resolve to help him. Loki owed him a debt that could never be repaid.

“J man can you start the movie for me?” Barton trilled out from the armchair that he had pushed next to Natasha’s, given that his usual place had been claimed by Bruce; not that he was sulking or anything. 

“Tony what does he mean by White House Down? What happens to the White House?” Steve sounded genuinely concerned at Clint’s movie choice.

“Nice work bird brains, the movie hasn’t even started yet and you’ve already upset Steve’s sensitive patriotic sensibilities.” Tony snarked from beneath the blanket, his eyes just barely visible above the generous mound of fluff.

“Tony?” His response had done nothing but further confuse Steve. Barton was out right laughing, giant douche that he was. Even Nat and Bruce seemed to be losing the fight against outright laughter. 

“Never fear Captain, I have seen this moving picture before. It is a tale about a mighty warrior known as the President and his shield brother fighting a great battle in the great white house. They prevail and live to bring destruction to their enemies who have so brazenly destroyed the seat of their power; the great house of white.” Thor proudly beams at Steve from his seat beside Loki, excited to have the opportunity to explain something for once. 

There isn’t any saving this night, Tony thinks even as he joins in laughter with the rest of his team. Steve is still confused, and a little distressed not that he would ever admit to it. It doesn’t really matter about the movie, he comforts himself, it just matters that he gets to sit and be with Tony with the safety of their team around them. Steve is grateful that Tony hadn’t run away and buried himself in his work, a possibility that he was more than prepared for after the events of the last twenty-four hours. Tony had instead surprised him by leaning on him for support, even in front of the other avengers, it showed how much Tony trusted them that he was willing to let them see that he was hurting as deeply as he was. Steve had become Tony’s life raft and just as Tony was unwilling to let go of him so too was Steve. Tony didn’t just need Steve, and he certainly didn’t need to be saved, Steve needed him just as much. Both had found a safe port in the storm, something that was such a rarity in their lives. 

“It’s okay Cap, I got you,” Tony muttered as he nuzzled himself further into Steve’s side. Try as he might he really couldn’t be mad at Clint; the guy really was just a tail away from being the team puppy. 

The movie night as far as movie nights in the tower went was relatively uneventful. Meaning that Cap positively flinched every time something vaguely American was destroyed, and there was plenty of that. Clint and Thor cheered violently through every action sequence for good and bad guy alike. Nat just glared at the screen her face a mask of ‘Clint and I would have had this shit sorted out like forty-five minutes ago’. Banner just enjoyed being petted for once by someone other than Tony who was just as likely to pet him as he was to prick him with a needle just to hang out with the Big Guy. Loki long bored of watching the predictable tale play out on the screen had instead turned his attention to Tony who for his part had just tried to make himself as small and unnoticeable as possible.

Try though Tony might to escape notice Loki still saw enough to make his ire rise. He cataloged everything from the bandages wrapped around his hands and feet to the tender way that he held them and tried to hide them at the same time. He saw the dark circles under his eyes, the lines on his face stood out starkly against his pale skin more so than the trickster had ever seen. Tony was an attractive man, even a fool could see that, but he had lost something of his confidence, something of the spark that made him Tony.

Loki patiently waited until the end of the film when everyone was sleepily making their way to their respective beds. Tony still buried in his blanket tenderly cradled against the Captain’s chest as Steve carried him back to his bed, careful not to wake him. From the ease with which he picked the mortal up it was clear that this was not the first time, no his care spoke of familiarity born from practice. 

“Ms. Romanov, would you spare me a moment of your time?” Though Loki knew that the others almost always referred to her as Nat or Natasha he was still wise enough not to think that he had gained any favour in her eyes. Though he had won a tentative trust amongst the other Avengers Natasha was not so quick to forgive and Loki respected her for that, she would always be a worthy adversary. 

“Loki, I will see you in our room.” Thor knew when he wasn’t needed and he was smart enough to leave knowing that whatever it was Loki would tell him later. Loki nodded in his direction; despite his brusque dismissal there was love in the gesture. Loki had long ago learned the hard lesson of trusting Thor and trusting his feelings for him. 

“What ill has befallen Tony?” Loki wasn’t going to beat around the bush. Natasha smirked; trust the god to be straight to the point when it suited him.

“Why do you want to know Loki?” She wasn’t just going to give him the information straight away, she was going to make damn sure that what she told him wasn’t going to be used to hurt Tony or any other member of her team. 

“I want to know who has hurt Stark, do not play games with me you know I consider him a friend and I am in short supply of them. So I’ll ask again, who did this?” Loki bared his teeth, he wasn’t foolish enough to threaten her but he was going to get what he wanted. Natasha sighed, evil Loki she could handle but a caring Loki? That was a whole new ball game and she didn’t know the rules. 

“Pepper. It was Pepper, and a little Rhodey. She-she knew what to say to hurt him. She ended the relationship a few weeks ago, after cheating on him with his best friend. I’ve been keeping an eye on the situation, we all have. She tried to take the company from him, Tony doesn’t know that and I expect you not to tell him. Clint, Banner and I all paid her a visit, she knows there will be consequences if she continues.” Natasha spoke slowly, watching Loki’s reactions carefully cataloguing each one. 

“Thank you.” Loki remained impassive quickly controlling the anger even as it flittered across his face. 

“Loki if you make a move against her you violate the treaty between us and Asgard. You will end up back in your cell, that’s something none of us want. We need you here, like it or not you are a part of this team now you can’t just go off and kill anyone you want.” Natasha moved to place herself between Loki and the exit, his green eyes flitting up to hers.

“And as a member of this team do I not owe it to my team mate to speak in his defense? I will not kill her; I wish only to speak with her. You can trust that my actions will not violate the treaty, I remember my days in the dungeons far too well to wish myself back in them.” Natasha still refused to move; her hand placed on his chest a silent plea for him to stop before she was forced to hurt him. 

“Very well, if you do not trust me you are welcome to come with me.”

“Loki we can’t ju-”Her sentence was cut short as the green of Loki’s seidr wrapped around them.

***  
“Son of a bitch!” Natasha ground out under her breathe even as she clutched at Loki’s shirt in an attempt to keep upright, her stomach rebelled violently as she took in the room around her praying that she wouldn’t end up throwing up all over the God. Loki looked down long enough to make sure that she wasn’t harmed and then moved towards the thin strip of light that was visible through the partially closed door, the assassin following closely on her heels. 

Pepper was still working despite the late hour and the distraction that she had indulged in hours before slumbering away in her bed a scant few feet away. She had a lot of paperwork to organize before the board meeting tomorrow. Despite the warning of the other Avengers she was not going to back down, Tony may have the majority share in the company and therefore the controlling interest but if Pepper had anything to say about it that was all going to change.

It wasn’t going to be hard, the board members were no stranger to Tony’s erratic behaviour and though they may view a female CEO with only a slightly lesser contempt she was and always would be the lesser of the two evils. She had documented her capability day in and out at that company, she’d been the one to bring the stocks back to a respectable level after Tony’s decision to stop manufacturing weapons. It was Pepper who dealt with the media fallout every time a mission went wrong thanks to Tony foolishly thinking he could throw a suit of armor on and it made him a hero. Pepper oversaw everything from the company to the wayward genius and it was high time in her opinion that she reaped the rewards for her effort. 

Loki watched the attractive ginger haired woman sort through the considerable pile of papers on her desk. A few feet away from her lay the man that Loki had been introduced to as Rhodes, though the colonel was wearing considerably less clothing than their initial meeting. Behind him Natasha glared her fingers itching to brush against one of the numerous knives that she had strapped to her legs but encountering only the rough denim of her jeans. Loki strode forward he wasn’t going to watch this scene play out any longer.

Loki stepped into the room, his lip curling up in disgust at the clothing that was scattered everywhere. Have these mortals no shame, he viciously thought. With a flick of his wrist and almost faster than Natasha’s eyes could follow Pepper was enveloped in Loki’s magic and ripped from her chair flying across the room with a startled yelp to fall next to Rhodey on the bed. The colonel woke violently thrashing against the sheets that held him prisoner in their tangled mess his eyes darting around the room until the came to rest on Loki and Natasha.

“What the fuck Nat, why are you here?” Rhodey snarled, his breath coming in shallow pants as he fought to control his anger. Beside him Pepper huddled as close as she could, trying to take shelter behind a shirtless Rhodey who was sitting up in the bed.

“I could ask you the same thing Rhodes.” Nat was deadly calm this wasn’t her show this was Loki’s she was just here to make sure that Loki didn’t actually kill them. 

“Ah you can thank me for that Colonel, now if you’ll excuse me I’ll deal with you later.” Loki flicked his hands once more and Rhodey was unable to speak, his mouth opening repeatedly but no sound came out, not even a groan, despite how violently he was clearly trying to fight against Loki’s magic. Pepper just gaped at the two unlikely allies that were in her bedroom, her hand curled around Rhodey’s arm in a silent plea for him to shield her.

Natasha stepped away from the scene before her, some part of her enjoying the fear and confusion clearly written across their faces. Her attention was immediately drawn to the paperwork that Pepper had been sorting through ever since Pepper had become CEO she had stopped bringing paperwork home with her unless it was absolutely necessary. So what on earth could she be working on? The answer was evident almost immediately Pepper had called a board meeting tomorrow she was making a move against Tony and his company.

“Loki, would you care to ask Ms. Potts why on earth she would be doing exactly what I warned her not to by trying to take over Tony’s company?” Natasha remained calm even as she sorted through the paperwork. If she knew Pepper these would be the only copies, she wouldn’t trust anyone with this too many workers in the company were loyal to Tony.

“You heard my friend, kindly answer her question!” Loki barked out causing Pepper to jump. His question seemed to spark something in the woman, no she wasn’t going to take this lying down, who on earth did they think they were?   
“I’m doing what I should have done a long time ago, I’m taking over the company! Tony has no idea how to run it and he should never have been given the chance to do so. He’s a child, a trained monkey could do what he does and I refuse to take it anymore!” Pepper snarled, let them challenge her she’d faced tougher board meetings than this.

Natasha stopped reading through the paperwork in front of her, dropping the documents to stalk back towards the bed. Screw her previous plans, she’d only told him he couldn’t kill them no one said anything about her doing it. Loki reached out in time to stop the assassin from wrapping her slender hands around Pepper’s throat.

“If you’ll let me, I have a different idea for the both of them.” Natasha nodded stiffly her eyes not moving from Pepper’s. She may have been stopped this time but Loki would not always be there to control her. 

“You both need to learn a lesson in humility, and Pepper really I do need to give you thanks you were the one who gave me the idea.” Loki didn’t waste any more time on words, it was clear that neither party was going to listen. His magic swirled around the both of them, enveloping both of them. Loki grinned evilly at the two now facing him, oh yes this would do quite well. Beside him Natasha gawped.

“Loki that’s not-”

“They have a lesson to learn my dear and when they do my magic will dissipate. We should go back to the Tower, I’m sure there are people waiting for us.” Natasha nodded mutely at his side, her astonished eyes still looking at Pepper and Rhodey.

“Um, you ah- can you box up the paperwork please? I’ll grab these two, we can’t leave them here.”

With both of their jobs done Loki transported them back to the tower a box held in each of their arms. 

***

“Where in the hell did you to disappear to?” Clint demanded angrily, Steve and Thor stalking behind him patiently waiting for either of them to answer.

In answer Loki stepped forward placing his box by his feet and taking the one from Natasha’s arms lowering it to the floor as well a delicate foot reaching up ti slip the lid of the box off. Clint, Steve and Thor walked forward to inspect its contents wondering what could have been so important that it had to be gotten in the middle of the night with no explanation. All three looked in confusion at the contents of the box looking up to Nat for explanation. 

“Why are you carrying around a little monkey and kitten in the middle of the night?”

“Loki what have you done?”

“You left the tower in the middle of the night to go on a late night pet run?” All three men spoke at once. Natasha just smiled weakly at them in explanation, she still wasn’t sure what had happened herself and she had been there.

“If I may be of service Captain Rogers I believe that the occupants of the box are Miss Potts and the Colonel.” Jarvis sounded down right happy at that little revelation. 

“Well she did say a trained monkey could do her job.” Loki smugly offered. Steve unsuccessfully fought the urge to drag a hand over his face.

“I’m going to bed, Tony needs me. You four are in charge of cleaning this up.” Steve spoke over his shoulder as he made his way back to his warm bed where Tony would hopefully still be curled up. He tried to be mad, he really did, but seeing the great Colonel Rhodes as a shaking tabby kitten really was fitting in his opinion and Pepper as a little circus monkey was just poetic justice really. 

“Remind me to never, ever piss off Loki.” He muttered to himself as he made his way back to bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed it, I have to tear myself away and learn things from boring law books. Remember comments are love. Have a super fantastic day guys!

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so let me know what you think, I have a few more chapters ready but honestly if its terrible I'm not going to post them. Let me know whether you want more! Also I am happy to take requests and if at all possible I will do my best to incorporate them. I promise Steve makes an appearance next chapter. Anyways, thanks for reading!


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